A Tear Of Insanity

Chapter 7

Sebastian

The van shuts on her face. That's it. I will never see her again.
Fuck.
Why didn't I say anything? Why did I stand, solid still as she stepped away from me? It took her sister, yelling to her, to pull me back to my senses. And all I did, was give her a doodle and touch her hair. Her beautiful, raven hair. I can still feel the soft strands, sliding through my fingers as she was being pulled away. And I did not do a single bloody thing.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Before we leave, we have to walk up to a desk beside the stage, containing a long list of numbers. A man sits there, asking for the number of our Electis. He offers a pen and holds out the form to us. I sign my name and Leila's alongside 505, writing our relationship to Lillith. I debate on whether or not to write friend but I do anyway. I put down my houses telephone number and Leila's, then seal it by signing my signature. I remember doing the same for Father, hoping he would call when he arrived in Altus. I awaited a call that never came.

My forehead is in agony from the heavy rifle. I smear the blood with the hem of my sleeve, turning the ivory fabric into a dark red. Every sting of pain is worth it, if it meant that Lillith was protected. And anyway, I am used to getting hurt on her behalf.

The thin woman, who I refuse to look at, orders for ration distribution as we leave. Each of the girls from category six receive a medium-sized, brown bag with a little food, enough for a few weeks. Alongside it, we are offered the weekly Altus newspaper. I hold Leila's bag in one hand, the newspaper in the other. She is still crying beside me, her cheeks wet with tears.

"You are going to turn into a raisin if you keep crying like that." I try to grin and stroke her hair, hoping to pull a smile out of her but it is no use.
"You could have pulled her away from them," she mutters in a quiet voice.
"I could have but that would do no use. They would probably shoot us or-"
"We could have run away."
I raise my eyebrows. "And where would we go?" We turn into another street.
"To the forest. Yeah, we could we could go deeper, we- we," I place my hand on her shoulder to stop her in her tracks.
"We both know that that is a terrible idea."
"How? How is that a terrible idea?" she cries barely containing herself.
"The Praestes?" I point out.
"You're telling me that you believe in those tales?"
"And you're telling me you don't?" I question.
"Actually... yeah I don't. And if we did happen to cross them we could kill those creatures, we could-"
"I know it hurts that she is gone but there is nothing we can do about that now." I stammer, my Adams apple bobbing in my throat.
"She is never coming back so there is no use of thinking about what we should have done. She is gone." I conclude and begin to walk ahead in rage. She runs after me, "I'm sorry, I just miss her." I look down at her, my lips curved in a weak smile.

I cannot stop thinking of Lillith, as much as I hate to admit it. And every thought fills me with anger, at everything, so I make a feeble attempt to distract myself.
"Come on, we'll freeze if we stay out here any longer." She nods, holds my hand and we amble in the blistering cold.

"Where will I stay?" She asks looking up at me, with a croaky voice.
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that. I could stay at your house. Maybe sleep on the floor if you'd like."
She looks down again. "It isn't my house anymore," she squeaks.
"What on earth are you talking about?"
I ask aloud, confusion etched on my face.
"The house was signed in Lillith's name by my Father, a week before he was taken."
"So?"
"So, I need a guardian to sign the house in my name for it to be mine. The house is not mine because Lillith hasn't signed it in my name."
"Is she crazy, why wouldn't she sign it beforehand?"
"Do you not know anything?" She groans. I look at her with clueless wide eyes. What does she expect? I have never had a home of my own, Father only lived in rented ones before he was chosen as Electis.