The Love That Could Have Been

12

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SKY

"Amanda," I heard Pa's voice called Ma's name from across the living room.

When I lost consciousness yesterday, I thought that I could already leave and finally rest in peace. After all, we were able to finally put Omer behind bars and Dawn was able to survive his attack with the help of Caelum who arrived just on time before Omer could do something much worse to her. However, she suffered from a mild concussion which I truly felt sorry for. I never expected that Omer would attempt to do it again with Dawn. But at least that time, Caelum already arrived on time to save her. And me . . . again. And I trust that Caelum will stand on his promise to bring Dawn home even though I am no longer with them. But when I was about to leave, I remembered that there were still things left for me to do. There are still words left unsaid and questions left unanswered. And I still have to say my proper farewell to the people I love. To my Ma. To my Pa. And to my Caelum.

I tried to come back yesterday but Dawn still felt so weak and unready. And I'm afraid that I am going to burn her out by attempting to take over her body again. I also figured that it would be nice to give Dawn some time to recover since she'd still have to undergo the tournament yesterday and I certainly don't want to spoil the fun for her by being the one to deliver the speeches on her behalf. One thing that I wanted her to learn is how to conquer her fears in public speaking and I won't be helping her if I do that. I also figured that it'd be a good thing for her to talk with my Ma first so that they could reconnect with each other and tell her about her dad. But when I heard Pa's voice, I knew that I already had to intervene. Especially with Caelum being in our house. And in the very same room with my Pa. I don't want him to feel alone. I want to stand with him. And fight for him.

I gently squeezed my Ma's hands before letting them go, standing up on the couch and slowly turning my head to where the voice of Pa came from. And there he stood, standing with his usual upright and firm posture that spoke of pride and dignity. I could see a mixture of delight, sadness, and weariness written on his face. He still must have been the same workaholic person that he was before I died. However, despite spending a lot of time at work, he would always take at least a day off to spend time with me and my Ma. Sometimes, we'd have dinner. Other times, we'd play golf and bowling. That's why even if he managed to hurt me back then, I still believe that he could stand as a good father to Dawn.

"Pa," I called him.

I heard Ma gasp beside me. Dawn already told her everything that happened earlier and she is a bright and observant person that's why I know that she already understands what is going on right now.

I look at Pa's sharp and piercing blue eyes that are staring back at mine, subtly startled. His mouth was slightly hanging open. He regained his composure and slowly began walking towards me. I wasn't certain yet if he could see right through me but the next thing he did confirmed it. When I thought he was going to get mad again and scold me, he suddenly pulled me into a hug.

"My son," I heard him cry. "I'm really sorry I lashed out on you back then. I just didn't want you to get hurt by the people around you."

I raised my hands to caress his back. "I understand, Pa."

One thing that I learned from what Omer did to me is that the world is indeed a scary and dangerous place. People and society will always have something to say about you. Some may even treat you as inferior to them and hurt you, like Omer. But it is only up to you if you're going to succumb to them and let them consume and reduce you from being a human who is worthy and deserving of love and respect.

"I am gay, Pa," I said as tears began to drop down my cheeks. "I am sorry I couldn't be the person that you were expecting me to be. I'm sorry I couldn't be the manly Sky that you wanted."