The Inside Story

I believe in the infinity of oblivion

Jaimie
At home I open the bottom drawer in my desk. My junk drawer. I have a bottle of death pills now. I stare at them every day wondering if I should. Part of me yells and screams yes as loud as she can, the other part shakes her head silently as tears fall down her face. They remind me of the damage I could do to myself and others. What others I don't know. I want to stop breathing so badly but I just can't. I am such a coward.
My parents don't ignore me exactly, they just often don't care where I am or what I'm doing. I don't think my mother knows I have depression. My father though, is a gift from Heaven. He has realized that he can't do anything so instead he just sits and talks. We do fun things and I forget that I am bullied I forget a lot of things. Then I lie to them. I don't take the pills but I say I do. Or else they would make me.
My mother walks in and gives me a hug. I smile faintly and walk upstairs to my room.
Normally I just sit there and cry but today I am beyond tears. I can't think. I just want it to stop. I need it to stop.
My window is open and I need to get away.
The roof is my sanctuary, I go there when I need to be alone. The stars make me wish. I like to wish. Just one day they might come true.
"Jaimie!" I hear a shout from below. The same boy who took my notebook is standing below the roof, he stands there and I stare. Why is he here? Is he here to torment me? I used to love him, then he helped the rumors start. I can't love anyone who has made themselves feel good by ruining the life of another.
"Jaimie! Hold on I'll get you down!" I roll my eyes and go back into my room through the window.
Two seconds later the doorbell rings, oh my freaking God.
"Hello Ethan! It's been awhile!" Come the voice of my surprised father. I never have friends over, only he knows why.
"Hello Mr. Smith is Jaimie available?"
"Yeah she's right upstairs, go on up."
"Thank you." Sighing I flip back onto my bed and stare at the ceiling. Kayla painted it with me for my 11th birthday. She had asked me if believed in God.
"Jaimie?" Kayla said flopping onto a bean bag and staring at the ceiling.
"Hm?"
"Do you believe in God?" Kayla's uncle is a pastor and is always trying to recruit her for choir because of her voice.
"I don't know. I guess I believe in the infinity of oblivion."
"I like that." She said smiling slightly
"Do you know what that means?"
"Nope" she laughed,
"Me neither" I replied grinning.
Two days later Kayla brought over her sketch book and showed me her plans for the ceiling. It took us a week but we did it.
The ceiling is a galaxy pattern covered in stars with 'I believe in the infinity of oblivion' written on it in large letters. I love it and everyday I cry because it reminds me of Kayla.
Two years ago we got a 4th degree hurricane. Kayla was driving home with her Uncle and a bus hit their car.
Kayla was killed whereas her uncle and the truck driver were both fine. She was my last and only friend.
"Jaimie are you ok?" Ethan is standing in the doorway with wide eyes and is panting.
"Jaimie? Why are you crying?" He asked walking over slowly.
"I'm fine." I reply primly and wipe my eyes hastily.

Ethan
I walk up and into the room to find Jaimie lying on her bed crying. I shouldn't be surprised but it makes my heart shatter because it hurts me more than she will ever know.
"Jaimie your not ok."
"How would you know?" She says and again my chest hurts.
"I read your notebook."
"That was none of your business."
"Yes it is." I can't stop myself.
"Why?"
"Because I want to..." I trail off then can't stop myself.
"You want to f---- me like the rest of the other toys then no. You've done enough damage."
"No I don't please believe me I am not that type of person." I sigh then start again.
"I want to be your friend."
"What?" She looks completely surprised and taken aback.
"I want to be your friend."
"Why? I'm a fat ugly bitch like you said."
"I didn't..." My voice trails off. I did. I did less than five hours ago.
"I am alright! I am a fat ugly bitch. I am what people call me. Ok?" She starts crying and all I want to do is hug her and tell her everything's going to be ok.
She wipes her eyes and I see a line on her arm. Not a line, a cut, no, a scar. Hundreds of scars line her wrist and forearm. My stomach lurches and I feel a horrible sense of revulsion.
"You self harm?"
"Yes and it's all your fault. You and your stupid friends please just leave." Her voice cracks and I stumble back. I turn and do the thing I'm best at. I run.

So here's another chapter. Sorry I don't edit because I hate it so sorry about it. Just an fyi I don't self harm but I used to be anorexic and depressed. Anyway my life sucks. The guy I've had a crush on for 3 years has a girlfriend and she's 2 years older than me and him. (And she also is stunning) why he would like me I don't know I'm not pretty or anything. Anyway enough of my petty woes. Thanks for reading!