Ethan
The girl walks through the halls. Jaimie. She is so pretty. I can't get her out of my head even though Hailey is hot as hell. It just isn't working anymore. Jaimie is quiet, reserved, different. I like her that way.
Something is wrong though. Ever since we started middle school she stopped talking. I started to realize that she had no friends. That the freak all the kids had gossiped about in 5th grade were her. And I hated all of them because of it. I hated myself because of it.
Jaimie Smith is sick. The problem is it's not curable, it's a mental problem. She runs out of class and sits in the bathroom and cries. I have stood out there so many times debating whether to come in or not. The depression takes over her mind.
She used to be different but then a new girl, Leslie McNiff came. She started too take over the school. Her only competition was Jaimie, so she spread rumor after rumor about her. Jaimie held up for about a year. Then she stopped eating. Leslie had said that she was the fattest bitch in the school. Her fat ass was too big to fit in the lunch chairs. Her older sister weighed 100 pounds lighter than her.
Still she's perfect. She never lost sight of her goals and her personality is hidden behind it all.
I wish I could say that I deserved her. I don't. Nobody does. She's too perfect for anyone. Not like the fake perfect that Leslie and Hailey strive for, no the genuine happiness and content.
The bell rings and I see Jaimie rush out of class. A small black notebook lies open on her desk. Curiosity killed the cat. It killed me. I look down and see Jaimie's small loopy penmanship that I think is pretty covering the page. The words make my heart shatter.
The world caves in,
The voices reappear,
I can't escape,
They are inside,
Inside my head.
This will show my inside,
My inside story,
Of my daily struggle,
To get up and keep going,
Every single day.
The pills will help,
They will make it all go away,
They are right,
It makes it all go away,
Even the happy parts,
I don't know which is worse.
Fat makes me starve
Ugly makes me sob
Pretty makes me scoff
Friend makes me wish
Suicide makes me scared
Heaven makes me dream
No one lets me hope.
I stare up at the stars
One single shooting star
I wish I wish upon a star
That one wish could come true
That someone would realize who I am
Then not hate me for it.
I stare up at the stars
One single shooting star
I wish I wish upon a star
That someone would treat me like a human
Not a punching bag
Or the animals shoved mercilessly into the butchers waiting arms.
I stare up at the stars
One single shooting star
I wish I wish upon a star
That the wish I wish for every day comes true
I need it soon
Or all will be over
All will be lost
I will be gone
The pills are ready
So is the rope.
I am scared
But no one will care
Except for me.
I will care
Because I have no love given
And so much to give.
I forgive the girl for ruining my life
I forgive the boys who ran along with it
I forgive the boy of my dreams calling me a fat ugly bastard
I forgive myself for not carrying out the plans
Although most days I wish I had.
I can't
That makes me coward
I just am so scared
It makes me like being sad.
I stare down at the notebook. I should turn it in. I should. I won't.
"Jaimie!" I about after her. She turns and sees the black notebook in my hand. Her eyes widen I horror.
"Give that back." She says her voice filled with anger.
"What?" I say more taken aback by the hostile tone than anything else.
"Give me that back or so help me." She says and I stare. Something is wrong with her. Determination has filled her eyes.
"Today, after school."
"I can't I'm busy."
"Tuesday?"
"After today my life will be no longer relevant. Now give me back my notebook." No longer relevant, no.
"I'm not going to kill myself. I'm just going to never speak or go near you again because you are just like the tea of your friends. All you want me to do is leave so I will. There a favor for a favor." She snatched the notebook and stalked off leaving me standing there my heart shattering into a million tiny pieces.
The one love of my life just said she would never talk to me again. This hurts so much more than I thought was possible.
So yeah my life sucks. The one love of my life just got a girlfriend so I have just been crying my eyes out with Adele. Her name is Jess how ironic. 😪 thanks for reading
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The Inside Story
Roman pour AdolescentsJaimie Smith is anorexic, depressed, and friendless. She thinks about death every day and can't think straight. When the resident jock tries to talk to her she can't understand why. He's just a player. Right? I own all these rights and stuff. By the...
