Beneath The Snow

December left me quicker than him, at least it feels like it. After this day, December 31st, I'll begin a new life all by myself. New year's. I loved him, that was the old me. My mister, Mikael, have found himself another girlfriend. And no, it's not like we were together, but damn at least it felt like it. Stupid, that's who I don't want to be. He has a new girlfriend that's so different from me. Blonde hair, full lips, blue eyes, and a boring name. What did he see in her that he didn't see in me? I can't bear it...the thought of him being with her. He was supposed to be my first love...or he was. I don't know, I don't think even he knows at this point. I just don't want to imagine the things he's doing to her.

When he told me about her...we eventually broke things off. It's not like he told me it in the nicest way possible. "I'm seeing this girl, and we sometimes take our clothes off" he said. How was I supposed to react to that? "Oh well, that sounds fun. Have a great time with her?" Who says that after they've been betrayed by the guy, they thought they were going to marry? My heart stopped beating and my belly turned into a massive knot. I didn't sleep or eat much for several days. I believe there's still teardrops on my pillow, if you look closely, you can see the stains. The pain I felt isn't something I wish on anyone. Being hurt turned me into a different version of myself that I've never seen before. She was so sad, she didn't know what to do or how long it would take for the pain to go over. He was my first love, wasn't he? "We're over" I said or...that's the short version. "I don't get how you could do this to me! Was I not enough for you? You're the most horrible person in the world. I hope you fall down from a tree!" I told him.

Then I got home and started to cry on my pillow. I thought I was going to spend the night in my bedroom, crying my heart out. But, my friends, Sasha and Emily, were there to save me. "I brought ice cream and cookies...oh and I also found the best movie ever online, it's called Meet Me At Midnight said Emily. "Give the girl a break. She's going through a heartbreak, what's the point of watching a romantic movie then?" said Sasha. "To get over him. If it's about love, she's going to cry to it. We all are going to cry to it" said Emily. "How delightful, we are all gathered here today in my bedroom, like this is a form of celebration" I said. "Mina, cheer up a little" said Sasha. "How can I?" I said. "You should be happy it happened. It only means one thing, if he could cheat on a beautiful girl like you, he can do it to his new girlfriend as well" said Sasha. "I've heard that too. Men that cheat once are capable of doing it again" said Emily. "That doesn't make me feel better about myself" I said while looking down at my hands. "No, it probably doesn't, but it tells you what kind of person he is and who he might become" said Sasha. "We're sorry it ended that way, Mina" said Emily while running her fingers through my hair. "I'm not sure if we were together, he didn't like ask me to be his girlfriend" I said. "Yeah, well we're not exactly thirteen anymore either. He doesn't need to ask you, when you know you know. Everyone was talking about you two, about how you were the perfect couple" said Sasha.

"But we never kissed, we barely held hands. I wasn't ready for it...he knew that" I said. "Not everyone is comfortable with being intimate, for some it takes time" said Emily to calm me down. Later that day, after our long conversations, ice cream breaks and crying...he sent me a message. They told me it would be best to not answer it, you know like ignoring it. That way he would get the signal...that I wasn't interested. But I couldn't take it anymore, I had to read what he wrote me. "I know that things are different now between us, but I still want us to be friends. Do you want that too?" texted Mikael. I thought to myself, why is he sending me these messages? Does his girlfriend even know? I don't think so. My mind visits my past too many times, I remember it all too well. What was done, what was said, but it's important that I focus on what's happening now, in front of me...forget him.