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justshowerthoughts: When a Brit says "I have a bloody nose", it's as if he just realized, to his surprise, that he has a nose.
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billhaverchunk: my favorite sound is the little click dog feet make on hard surfaces
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maddynerdock: Pet: *falls asleep*
Me: *lies down in front of them, gets three inches from their face, and stares at them for 30 minutes*
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overlypolitebisexual: cat person: dogs are cool too
dog person: cats dont feel love did you know that once a cat MURDERED my MOTHER
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drossna: the best part of watching Jurassic World was when Owen said, "It's killing for sport" then silence and someone a row above me whispered really quietly "actual dinosaur shia labeouf"
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childservices: I love when I wake up with new rights
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unclefather: my favorite part of sleepovers is when its like 4 am and everyone is laying down trying to go to bed and its silent and then someone says something like "ass butter" and we're so tired that we can't stop laughing
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shslfemist: my writing style could best be described as "probably more commas than is entirely necessary"
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shinkoueiki: *sits on my balcony overlooking the french countryside, sipping $15,000 wine from a 7-foot krazy straw*
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pettyrevenge: I work at a large university, where there are many employees, and, obviously, many parking garages. The one that's closest to my office has six stories, with stairs and an elevator right next to the stairs.
This morning, when I had to park on the top floor, I went to go walk down the stairs and head to the office. There was a man standing there waiting for the elevator. I usually would just take the stairs down, but the elevator happened to arrive just in time for me to take it down–or so I thought. This douche got in the elevator, MADE EYE CONTACT WITH ME as I kind of jogged to the door, and just let it close in front of my face.
As this particular lack of courtesy is close to the top of my "Things That Really Piss Me Off" list, I hurried down the stairs and hit the "down" button on every single god damned floor.
Hope you had a nice, slow ride down. Dick.
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suspend: its never safe to use tumblr beside your parents
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adveragefairy: moms are so temperamental you say one thing like "have you seen my hoodie" and theyre like your HOODIE??? YOUR HOODIE???? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY THINGS I HAVE TO DO EVERY DAY AND YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR HOODIE? NOBODY HELPS ME IN THIS HOUSE I DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF AND NOBODY ASKS HOW I AM YOUR FATHER IS AN ALCOHOLIC
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zerosympathy: *accidentally starts masturbating*
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everythingwasblue: : What if instead of one soulmate, there is a select group of people who we meet at various points in our lives, and these people ALL have the capability of becoming our soulmate, it just depends on timings and circumstance. That guy in the grocery store, or the girl in the back of class. All of them.
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vesley: I only want to wear underwear and a crown all day
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YOU ARE READING
Tumblr, Okay?
HumorI'll give you a hint as to what this book is about. (Its Tumblr.)
