Impossible Infinity

I Can Imagine How Lonely It Is

I remember a lot more now. Things I brushed aside. Things I didn't think were all that important at the time. But every memory is precious to me now.

  The more I look for the Impossible Infinity, the more I see pieces of it scattered throughout my memories.

  It was another late night. I had just come back from a mission, and I was exhausted. Physically, I'm sure I looked perfectly fine. Mentally, I felt far away...

  I wanted nothing more than to collapse into bed and sleep. But that wasn't entirely true. I wanted something else as well...

  I found myself standing in front of Suguru's dorm room. My fingers hovered just inches away from the handle.

  He was most definitely asleep at this hour. If he were awake, I was going to scold him. I grew even more reluctant to open the door as the reality settled in on me.

  The image of Suguru's tired and heavy eyes came into my mind. He hadn't been sleeping well, had he?... If he wasn't sleeping well, then I wouldn't be either. I would be awake worrying; I knew I would. And Suguru always told me to sleep more.

  What a hypocrite...

  I heaved a sigh—or maybe it was a breath of relief—as I turned the knob and pulled the door open.

  Immediately, I noticed Suguru's usual scouting curses sitting above the doorframe.

  I glanced up at them, and they flinched in response. I held my finger up to my lips, telling them not to alert him or else.

  I silently closed the door. "Suguru?" I whispered into the dark room. The moon was dimly shining through the blinds, so I could see the outline of the furniture, but that was about it.

  I didn't get a response. I slid my feet across the floor, worried about tripping.

  "Just use your six eyes, you idiot," I'm sure you're thinking to yourself. I was tired, okay? And I didn't want to alert anyone or anything around me. I had my reasons. Mind your business.

  Anyways-

  I remember slowly making my way across the room and calling out again. "Suguru? Are you up?"

  After hearing nothing from him, I stopped trying. I should let him sleep, he needed it...

  By the time I made it over to his bed, my eyes had adjusted to the dark. I could see the outline of his sleeping face, and I could hear his slow breathing in the silence.

  I carefully laid my hand on his arm, thinking about waking him. I wanted him to know I had gotten back safely... We had been spending less and less time together lately... I missed being around him...

  "Suguru..." his name escaped my mouth once more. I hadn't even thought about it.

  Still, he did not wake. He must have needed the sleep quite badly to be sleeping so deeply.

  I stared down at him for a long moment before lifting my hand off of him. I should go to sleep, too... That would be smart.

  Instead, I found myself unable to leave. The empty space on the backside of Suguru's bed was calling out to me. It was as if he had even left a space for me...

  Suguru wouldn't mind if I stayed over. He had never cared before. I could just sleep here. Win-win right???

  I would often crash in Suguru's room. It used to be a weekly occasion. He never complained or ever asked me to leave, but I always had the slightest feeling that I might be intruding...