Impossible Infinity

Together Someday

I often dream of what could have been...

  Well, I guess I can't really call it dreaming. I don't know if I ever sleep here. If I do, I never wake up feeling rested.

  I can't call it daydreaming either, because I have no idea how time is passing.

   Doesn't matter. Point is: I think about what I could have done to avoid a lot of things.

  Of course, I could have obliterated the entire street, including the stupid funking KFC!!! God, I hate that place.

  But that could have caused a scene and probably landed me somewhere bad, too.

  Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I really was the problem. It was never Suguru. It was always me.

  'I alone am the honored one'.

  I was the one who was full of himself.

  I was the one pushing him away.

  I was the one acting like a god.

  I was the one who left him alone.

  I had never considered how he felt about it. I had only taken his word for it, not even thinking he would lie for my sake.

  "I'm glad, Satoru," he had said, "that you're being recognized for your strength."

  I was so stupid to believe that.

  I know I can't change the past. Especially not now. But I still...

  He was my one and only. I can't even begin to describe how much I miss him. Being stuck here with my own thoughts is like torture.

  I sometimes catch myself imagining scenarios where I had acted differently and changed the course of my life so he would still be in it. I can't help it.

  It feels so stupid... but I can't help it.

  Is it so wrong of me?...

  To want him back?...

  In this better world in my imagination, I had taken Suguru away from Jujutsu High. I had given him time to grieve for Riko. I had helped him through it.

  "Satoru," he would call out my name just as sweetly as he always had. "Thank you."

  "Hmm? Whatever for?" I would ask.

  "For staying."

  "Hm?..."

  "I'm glad you stayed."

  "Huh?..."

  I don't understand. I had never imagined him saying that before. Was I really dreaming? I never-

  "Satoru," he shakes his head slightly with a smile on his face. "I'm saying that I'm happy you're here with me."

  "Oh..." I respond distractedly. "Yeah..." I find that I'm young again and I'm aware of my surroundings. We're sitting on a quiet, peaceful porch. It feels like summer... I don't recognize whose house this is at all.

  I thought dreams couldn't take you places you hadn't seen before...

  "You're so out of it, Satoru," Suguru reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. "What's on your mind?"

  "Huh? Oh- uh, you." I responded quickly and honestly.

  "Me???" He blinked in surprise and confusion. I felt his fingers twitch, gripping me more tightly.

  I nodded, starting to feel embarrassed. I looked away from him, pushing up my glasses. "We're talking to each other, aren't we?"

  "Yeah, but I meant what was distracting you?"