Heartstrings

Starting Over

I didn't hear from Diane for a few days after my Freudian slip. I contemplated on calling her but figured it'd be best if I didn't. I kind of left it up to her and if she hasn't texted me it probably means she doesn't wanna talk. It didn't really occur to me how much time had really passed—as I'd like to forget about my royal fuck up—until my mom knocked on my door asking if I wanted to come to the meeting.

I tried to protest but without a valid reason to give her, since I would never admit to her what I said, I had no choice. I pretended to be on the phone once we go there, with who I have no clue, but it got my mom to leave me alone so it works. I sat in the car trying to work up the courage to walk in, knowing I couldn't avoid it. After about 15 minutes I'd gotten my breathing to normal and gathered the balls to enter.

As I walked down what now seemed to be the extremely long hallway, I repeated to myself that I was fine and that everything would be ok. I knew she would be there, my mom talked about the few people that came every single week and she was one of them. Even through the countless times my mom spoke of her, I never expected she would be that special.

My mom embellishes a bit sometimes and of course I thought she would be nice if I ever met her but never did I imagine she'd be so thoughtful and caring. I enter the room and look around quickly, spotting her almost immediately but how could I not? She stands out from everyone else in an almost subtle kind of way, if that makes any sense.

It's not that she's flashy or has a big personality, her energy just floats through the room and it's hard to ignore. In a room full of people in fancy dresses you'd expected her to be wearing her usual sweater and jeans, that's what I mean. She sticks out because she's authentic and maybe to some that's boring but to me it's everything that makes her wonderful.

Even so, I take a seat furthest away from her as I can get considering we're in the same room. I also make sure I'm positioned facing her back so she can't really see me. As I settle in my place, an ache encases my heart and only closes in over time making it more painful. I want to see her face, hear her laugh, see her smile, smell her perfume. I don't want to be so far but I have to be.

I get started on my project and my mom comes over, asking why I'm sitting alone since I hit it off with Diane last time. I tell her that I'm having a hard day and would rather be alone with is only a half truth. It is a hard day but I certainly don't wanna be alone, I would rather have company—her company. My mom accepts my answer, though I can tell it confuses her; but she doesn't fight me on it which I'm thankful for.

I decide to focus instead on the sweater I'm almost done with, putting all my energy into it. As I'm working on the sleeves I realize it's entirely too big for me and I furrow my eyebrows. I've done this enough times to know exactly how much I need to do for the item to fit me; so why is this one oversized? It's nothing major, maybe just a size up or so but still; I would've noticed such a difference before I got this far.

I'm basically finished with it so I just continue as normal, my muscle memory kicking in as I do the movements unconsciously. My mind drifts to Diane and what her project might be as I couldn't really tell when I saw her last because she'd only just started. Time seems to pass slowly and yet when I look at the clock, the meeting is already half over.

I take my attention away from the clock, about to go back to finishing up the sweater, when I see her out the corner of my eye. I can see that she's spotted me and is heading directly towards me with no chance of being distracted. I quickly focus on the yarn in front of me, trying to get back to it but being frozen.

"Hi" she whispers, standing and shifting on her feet and I just look up at her without saying anything. "You didn't sit next to me" she points out, almost like you would imagine a child to if their best friend sat with someone else at lunchtime. "I didn't think you'd want me to" I confess quietly, "why would you think that?" concern is laced in every syllable as she sits across from me and I shrug.

"You didn't text" I whisper, "I know... I'm sorry. I just-" "you don't have to explain" I interject as I'd rather not be reminded of what I said. "No I do. I didn't intend to make you feel like I didn't want to talk to you, because I do! I just... you make me nervous, ok? I don't know how to... act around you" she confesses and I frown in disapproval.

"What do you mean? Just be yourself" I tell her and she sighs, staring down at her fiddling fingers. "What if—I'm not really sure—you make it sound so simple" she sighs in frustration but I know it's not directed at me from the many times I've done it myself. "Why don't we start over? Forget everything else and... it's like a clean slate" I whisper hopefully and she finally meets my eyes, nodding slowly.

"I'm Edith" I say, reaching out my hand and she smiles softly as she grasps it with hers and shakes. "Diane" she mumbles and I smile wider at the sound of her voice being more relaxed. I offer her the seat next to me and she takes it, crossing her legs. We talk casually for the rest of the time we have together and it goes smoothly as I manage not to say anything too awkward.

We're the first ones to leave as I wanted to finish our conversation without interruption from my mom. The brunette leans against her car as I talk and when she crosses her arms I have to swallow a lump in my throat. I mean imagine the hottest woman you've ever seen, in ankle boots, with her legs spread as she leans against her car and stares directly at you.

The light of the moon shines perfectly on her and all I can hear is Lana Del Rey. She's like music, the way she's so perfectly crafted and just serenades me with her very existence. "What?" she chuckles which makes me realize I cut myself off and just never continued. "Nothing" I whisper, "no... tell me" she urges as she pushes off the car to stand up straight and drops her arms to place her palms on the car behind her.

"You're just... really beautiful" I speak softly and even in the dim light I can see her face heat up. Her eyes never leave mine and I start to get nervous with the silence until she smiles. "I think you're very beautiful too" she replies and I smile shyly, glancing away to see my mom exiting the building with a few other people on her trail.

I look back at Diane who has seen them as well and I sigh. "It was nice seeing you" I mumble, "ditto" she replies and I giggle as I just find it to be a funny word. "Well I better get going. See you" I say, waving as I walk away and she reciprocates it. As I slip into the car, I can't erase the huge grin on my face. That woman has worked wonders on me and I hope the magic never dies.