TW: talk of self harm, ed, body issues
Tara is the only one keeping me alive I wish I had more people to keep me alive.
I grew up in Germany I can speak fluent German, my parents divorced when I was 4 and moved to the United States when I was 5 with my mother and that's when I met Tara. Growing up with her brought us so close she has been there for me through everything.
Tara and I are inseparable we are the same person in different fonts. We have been together through everything boyfriends, break up's everything 2 years ago when I was 22 I met a guy named Louis he was a horrible guy that planted such horrible things into me and that's when I struggled the most with my self harm. When I broke up with him he slut shamed me, he tried to stalk me and that's when I got a restraining order on him and got help.
Tara had been with a really good guys especially Jake Webber and even after their break up they stayed great friends. Me and Jake are also great friends we have made a few videos together Aswell as his friend Johnnie Gilbert we have made a few streams together
Me and Johnnie are pretty good friends as well and very alike in some ways.
My life was really hard and now matter how hard I tried it was to hard I struggled with self harm, body issues, an ed ect. And no matter how hard I tried I always found something wrong with me and find every little excuse to not go out if I look into the mirror.
Sometimes when I cry it's like a manic episode and sometimes I can't breath or move like a state of paralysis I feel like a peace of shit when I cry in front of people cause they shouldn't have to see me like that. And it all blends into nothingness absolutely nothing, I feel so numb all the time and I'm so sick of biting my cheek and holding it in. The guilt and damage I have done to my self no matter how many days I'm clean good it feels to harm yourself, not eat and not feel anything.
I'm 200 days clean today, and have never been doing better. But even at some points I thought nothing could keep me alive. I love Tara for not leaving me.
Hi it's al!!! So uh that js happened sorry Niki 🗿
Also sorry for such short chapters i will maybe update later today so yeah
And also thanks 4 reads 😍
Word count: (446 words)
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Alive. (Johnnie Gilbert x reader)
Fanfiction"She's the only person keeping me alive I wish I had more people to keep me alive." Start date: 15th January
