follow through

chapter 14

james

betty will be here any minute.

i can't even begin to describe the way i'm feeling.

i've been keeping a massive secret from her.

a secret that would ruin our life together. a secret that would ruin us.

a secret i'm really hoping she never finds out.

i haven't spoken to augustine since she left.

who knows if she'll come back and try to mess everything up.

ever since she left, i've been thinking about it all.

i can't even look at myself.

every time i do i just feel this intense feeling.

i hate myself for this.

every part of me has been on edge and i just feel like i'm going to explode.

i don't know if when i see betty i'll feel relief or feel even worse.

all i know is she can't find out. if she finds out she'll hate me.

she'll hate me more than i hate myself. if that's even possible.

i'll lose the only person who ever truly loved me. the only person who ever chose me.

my heart stops when i see her turn the corner.

i feel like shit but i can't help the overwhelming happiness i feel to see her after so long too.

i'm grinning ear to ear walking towards her.

she still hasn't noticed me. she's talking to inez until she makes eye contact with me.

my smile immediately drops.

she immediately stops talking and her whole body goes stiff as she stares back at me.

i can see the tears forming in her eyes.

"betty you okay?" i ask unaware of what is happening

"don't." she retorts sharply

"don't what betty?" i ask as i take a step
closer

she steps back "stay away from me."

does she know? how does she know?

"i'm supposed to drive you home betty!" i respond

"we'll find someone else." she responds

"betty please." i beg

"i can't even look at you james get away from me!" she yells causing people to stare.

my heart shatters. this is it. i've done it. i've lost the only person i had.

"betty..." i start

"james you need to leave." inez cuts me off pulling betty away.

i stand there in place watching them walk away.

i don't know how long i stay there. staring at nothing.

i get back to my car and slam the door shut.

"shit!" i yell out as i punch the steering wheel.

i turn the car on and drive off.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

i am driving down the street.

i pass betty's house and that's when i lose it.

that's when i break.