Nox
Excuse any mistakes
The room's silence was so loud to the point I could feel and hear my heartbeat through my ears. I read my mother's name over and over again and each time I did my hearts pace sped up. This large room was becoming smaller by the second. My palms were beginning to sweat and without even looking up I already knew everybody's eyes were glued on me. I started to feel like I was on a merry go round and each spin got faster. My chest moved up and down and it was becoming harder for me to breathe.
Ay everybody give us the room for a minute I heard a voice say but I couldn't even tell who said it . I closed my eyes tight because I already knew what was happening. It's been years since I had a panic attack and the last time I had one I was in Baltimore at my mama Regina's house in her guest bathroom and luckily she was there to help.
Nox look at me.
I slowly looked up and saw East.
He did something with his phone then placed it on the table.
Breathe and just listen, close your eyes and focus on the sound coming from my phone.
I did as he told me but it wasn't helping.
Think about something that makes you happy, something that brings you peace. Something that's your light in a darkroom.
At that very moment I thought about Lyric. I pictured her pretty face and her silly laugh. The way she would always grab my face and we'd do our silly nose kiss. The more I thought about my baby I started to feel myself calm down. Within minutes I could breathe again. Thank you I said looking over at East.
I remember my panic attack stages well.
I don't even understand any of this shit. I would have known if my mama had a kid. None of this shit even makes sense.
I'll say it again, unfortunately we sometimes have to bare burdens that aren't even ours to bare.
Ali and everybody walked backed in the room. You good Dt asked sitting next to me.
Hell nah I ain't good.
Who knew your mother better than she knew herself?
My mama Regina would probably be the only person who knew about this shit.
Then that's who we talk too, Give me her number.
I went into my phone then gave Ali my mamas number.
Rico we need to find any connections with the guys from the club.
What guy from the club I asked them.
The club slim work at.
What that gotta do with anything?
We need to focus on your situation, Rico will handle that.
Ali, Rico and East walked out the room leaving just me and Dt.
Do you think that nigga really yo brother?
He would never be a brother of mine.
It's right here in black white, he's Ms.Lettys son.
He may be her son but that don't make him my brother. After all she ain't even my real mama.
I know you hurt and confused right now but don't say shit you don't mean. She was your everything.
I'm sick of all the lies, you could never understand. It's like my whole life been a lie. I don't even feel hurt. I feel anger and betrayal. I'm finally getting over her lying to me my whole life about not being my mother and now this. You ain't never had to go through this type of bullshit so you could never understand.
