*It was in All-Boy school on grade 9 I was the quite kid that every class had. The one that only get to talk with their true best friend that even I still doubt that they're my real friend. Its hard to be a quite kid since no one truly understand you very well. It was after the lock down from the spread of Covid 19, I get to see new faces on my new class or maybe the one that I've seen before but never get to know them.*
*Time skip to midyear where everyone is already started to get along with each other, and here I am just sitting on my desk wondering is there someone would talk to me? Am i the only one that get left out? Various of different thoughts going on my mind in a millisecond.*
*At the one of the year, I get to talk to some of my classmate, they're pretty chaos even on something simple. Its hard when almost everyone is an extroverts while you're the only one that is an introvert. Every conversations just almost felt awkward.*
*Grade 10 at the end of the year, I couldn't stand the feel of getting left out. I want some friends. Everyone seems cool to be friend with. So i decided to squeezed myself into a group to join their conversation. Did it so many times and unexpectedly, I become one of them. My personality almost fully changed by their foolish behavior. They're always being touchy and like to touch other dude's private part as a joke. Who would've expected that I become one of them?*
*At grade 11, the more I'm with this group, the more happy I am. I'm no longer felt alone and left out. But..what's weird about these guys is that they always play and act gay... At first i thought it was weird but then i don't know how but i become one of them. Acting gay, being touchy, making suspicious jokes and etc. Then suddenly, I don't know how i did not noticed it at first but there is this cool dude who always spend time with me willingly and not because he had to be with me. He's so cool. He's not the person who have the good looking and fit features but I don't know but there is something.....attractive... about him..*
*I felt like I'm in peace whenever I'm with him. I follow him everywhere he goes. I don't care people make fun of him and call him such names even though he didn't take it personally but i still like to be with him. As time goes by, I noticed something... the playing and acting all gay made me feels like... I wasn't even acting anymore... everything that i do that's suppose to be a joke and an act, felt like it was something natural.. There is no way i could be gay right?... Right...*
*Time skip. It was fun and a pain to spend time with him. He was cool and nice to me all the time even though I often getting too touchy but at the same time, I felt like my feelings towards him were genuine. The more I'm with him the more sharp the pain I felt on my chest, as if I was hiding my true feelings for him... As if.. I was in love...*
*One day we both alone in a room. In order not to make it awkward, I said something just to fill up to mood but didn't work because I was really nervous. I was alone with him at that time, how can't i not be nervous with someone that I kind of liked. Dang it, I couldn't hold it anymore.. I need to confess my feelings to him.."H-hey.. do you know.. that since this is a All-boy school...so there must be one of the fellows... that are... uhm gay.... Right? I was wondering...if..maybe we can be like that and be one of them...*
*Omg did I really have said it? I did right? Am I sure this wasn't a dream...? I hope he agree...and not find me weird...After a long silence.. the guy that i liked... he rejected me... by running away from me.. he ran away as far as he could. Turns out, he was the opposite of gay... He find me weird didn't he..? Did he..?
