Virgin Mary

Mother Teresa

I took a deep breath as I walked out of my room. There was no door left on the hinges, mother had taken it off after the incident. She was livid. She hadn’t cursed God, but she had cursed many things – including Harry and I. It was frightening seeing my mum that angry. I don’t recall ever having her that upset.

“Do you have something to say?” She asked when I entered the kitchen. I nodded and scratched at the high collar of the ugly plum dress.

“Yes,” I said tentatively and she raised her eyebrows. Rule one since the incident: do not speak until spoken to. “I was wondering if I could collect funds for the children’s charity.” There was a fundraiser at my school, an all-girl’s Christian college, and I wanted to raise as much money as possible. Usually, Emma and I went together, but she was absent today.

She was with Randy, or Ricky. The guy from the party. The party. Harry. It had been 28 days since I had seen him, or anyone other than the church folk.

I didn’t have his number or any personal information really and the four weeks of my house arrest allowed me a lot of time to think about what I had done and read the bible. I read and I read and I read, but all I could think about was the amazing time I had had with Harry.

It was upsetting to think, to know, that I would never see him again. I didn’t know what college he was going to and I highly doubted my mother would be willing to give me that information. When she pulled me out of the car that night she had wrapped her arm around my shoulder and said disgusting words to Harry that made me ashamed to be related to such a person.

“Well, I think the school would love some contribution from you. You have sinned darling.” She said disgracefully and I nodded with what she said although on the inside I wanted to defy her. It wasn’t fair that she dictated my life, I saw it now.

“I know mother, I’m sorry.” I said repeating the mantra I always did when I had disappointed both her and our Lord.

“Mrs. Masters and I are going to play a game of crib while we discuss Pastor John’s sermon from last weekend. You remember Darlene don’t you dear?” She said placing her glasses on top of her head and evaluating my outfit. “If you can put on your black tights underneath that revealing dress, than I suppose you can go out collecting while we have tea.” She said and I nodded. Rule two since the incident: obey without hesitation. .

I just wanted to go outside. School and church were not enough from me. Not having a cell phone or unsupervised use of a computer made me feel even more trapped than usual.

Half an hour lady I was covered head to toe. My hair was in soft waves with a thick black headband, I wore the high collared purple dress with thick black tights and flat black shoes. I looked like the perfect daughter. One that would listen and obey, just what my mother wanted. I had a cuppa with Darlene and my mum before grabbing my black bag, bible, and donation sheet and heading out into the unfamiliar neighbourhood.

After a few rights, a couple lefts, and lots of smiling and signing, I had a good amount of money donated. I had another hour to spare so I continued going door to door – mother would be proud if we raised more than any other family.

I was in a pleasant neighbourhood when I spotted the house, his house. Just looking at the house brought back the memories.

It was an out of body experience walking to the door, I don’t even remember making the decision, I was just walking and then all of a sudden I was knocking on the door. And then I was sweating and then I was looking around anywhere, but at the door. I silently prayed and prayed to God that he would answer. There was no response when I counted to ten and I decided to turn around, walk away and never come back. But then, my fist was raised and I was knocking again.