Virgin Mary

Heaven To Hell

“It’s gonna be alright baby.” He reminded, giving my hand an extra squeeze just for emphasis.

I swallowed thickly and nodded as we entered the city; passing the obnoxious sky blue sigh that had a scrawl of our town name. “Thank you for the weekend, it’s been really nice.”

“You don’t need to thank me, honest. I did it because I love you.”

“I love you too.” I said quietly.

His fingers gripping mine that bit tighter was the reassurance that we didn’t need to talk anymore. I counted the houses that we passed, before growing restless and trying to close my eyes. They betrayed me though, when they opened out of curiousity and the intimidating stone church was the first thing my eyes landed on.

I couldn’t remember ever missing church. I went every Sunday without fail – except for today. It was mid-afternoon, but I was still fatigued. I had cried until the early morning, clinging to Harry as he clung to me.

“Want me to do another lap?” Harry’s voice shook me from my thoughts.

“No, um, it’s fine.” I let out a shaky breath as I saw the familiar green house at the beginning of my street.

Six more, five more, four, three, only two more houses – oh, we’re here.

I stared at the door.

I stared at my bedroom window, with the light on.

I stared at the concrete driveway.

I stared, for the longest time, at the black rucksack perched on the porch. “Is that your-”

“Yeah,” I swallowed harshly and tore my eyes to Harry, feeling my eyes brim with fresh tears. “That’s my schoolbag.”

I could see the plaid skirt peeking out of the slightly opened zipper. “Is she kicking me out?” I said opening the door with the realization. I left Harry behind, jogging to the front door in Harry’s track pants and sweater, pounding furiously on the mahogany.

“Mum! Mum! Please, mum!” I cried knocking my fists against the door.

Suffocating, I felt like I was suffocating.

My mum wasn’t crowding around me, and I felt like I was choking, drowning, crowded in.

“Mum!”

“Stop, babe, stop.” Harry’s honey smooth voice was whispering in my ear, calming my outburst and I could feel the neighbours flicking on their lights, probably opening the doors to see what was happening.

“Harry, she, I-” I turned around in his arms and looked into the concerned green eyes of his. “I don’t have anything, I don’t, I need my bed, my clothes, I-”

“Shh, shh,” he stroked my hair and I clung to him. “Come have tea at mine, and we’ll ring your home.”

Anne wasn’t home when we entered his house. He carried me and my bag to the couch and laid me down on it. I curled into myself, blocking myself away from him and the problems that were going to start.

I was stupid to think I could run away with Harry.

Stupid to think that I could enjoy my brother’s wedding, a gay wedding nonetheless.

I knew my mother would disapprove and I went behind her back.

Was this how Mary and Joseph felt when they were denied the inn?

Harry left me alone, and I fell asleep.

When I woke up it was much darker.

I had a kink in my neck and my tongue felt heavy. My bones cracked as I stretched up and realization hit.