WINTERING

Chapter 1: Looking For Somebody (To Love)

DUNCAN'S INTRODUCTION

THIRD POV: In the small town of Triple Oak, Montana, where the winters were harsh and the population was sparse, lived a man named Duncan Vizla, 49. He resided in a cabin surrounded by tall pine trees and snow-covered mountains. It was a secluded and quiet life, and he mostly preferred it. Duncan always sat alone in his cabin, the chill of winter seeping through the walls; he couldn't help but feel a deep ache within his body. It was a familiar feeling, one that came with getting older.

He was no longer as agile and strong as he used to be, or so it seemed. Each day, he felt the pains of his joints and body, longing for a human touch. Duncan is used to being alone. He had been for most of his life, never staying in one place for too long. His job as an assassin required him to always be on the move. Duncan had grown accustomed to it over the years. He didn't have any family or friends to celebrate his milestone with. He was just a lone assassin living in the middle of nowhere. It was a stark reality, one that made him think of himself in a plain and unremarkable manner.

Being an assassin was no easy job, but it was all Duncan had ever known. He had no other skills or talents, and finding a different profession in his late 40s was daunting. More than that, Duncan found a strange sense of satisfaction in his work. It gave him a sense of purpose and adrenaline, even if it meant taking someone's life. Duncan had never been one to conform to society's expectations and standards. That's a factor that he never shied away from, and thought people should be allowed to be themselves.

Even with his strong morals and beliefs, Duncan couldn't deny the rush he felt every time he completed a job. It was a sense of being alive and in control, even though he was taking another person's life. It was a twisted form of living, but somehow, it gave him a strange sense of satisfaction. His job also came with its fair share of consequences. He often found himself plagued by night terrors, nightmares, and sleep paralysis. He rarely ever reached REM sleep before he jolted awake and reached for his gun in a state of panic.

Every day was a constant battle to stay alive and not die at the hands of his targets. He sat in his cabin, longing for the touch of another human being, Duncan knew that he wanted to live. He wanted someone, too. Duncan desires to give everything and himself to someone. He desperately wanted to spend the rest of his days with somebody. The snow was falling heavily outside. Duncan began to sit further back into the chair before the fireplace, watching the flames dance as he sipped his winter drink.

DUNCAN'S POV: Turning 50 soon, I thought, feeling a pang of sadness. I had always imagined settling down by this age, maybe with a family or surrounded by many pets. Instead, I was here, alone and with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. I looked around my cramped cabin decorated with my few possessions — a bed, a table, a few chairs, and some weapons. I'm an assassin, and this was my refuge. My job was honest work, dangerous and taxing, but it paid well, and it was all I knew.

I chuckled to myself, thinking of how I must seem to others. I'm a big, burly man with a thick beard and a body covered in scars. But underneath that tough exterior, I was just a man longing for love and connection. Relationships are the backbone of our lives, shaping us into the people we are today. They teach us about love, companionship, and understanding. Relationships can be a scary and daunting concept.

I constantly look back on my past relationships but with a sense of sadness and regret. Every single one of them had a pattern — they always ended with me pushing the other person away. I was afraid of getting hurt or hurting them. My fear of vulnerability and my past experiences haunted me, making me keep my guard up at all times. I couldn't bear the thought of anyone getting caught in the crossfire of my dangerous lifestyle. I believed I was better off alone.

What caused this fear of relationships? Was it because of a traumatic childhood or a series of negative experiences in the past? Or was it simply my toxic thinking and insecurities?

Upon reflection, I realized it was a combination of all of this. My childhood had been anything but happy and stable. My parents' constant fighting and eventual divorce had left me with crippling abandonment issues. I learned at a young age that people I loved would eventually leave me, and that realization stayed with me throughout my life. As I grew older, these issues manifested themselves in my relationships. I became distant and closed off, afraid to let anyone in.

My fear of getting hurt again overpowered any desire for love and companionship. I felt that pushing people away was the best way to protect myself from any potential heartache. But in doing so, I also hurt those who genuinely cared for me. Deep down inside, I couldn't bear the thought of anyone getting caught in the crossfire of my dangerous lifestyle. I was involved in things that could potentially put someone in harm's way. I didn't want to be the reason for anyone's pain and suffering. Yet for a living, I kill people.