MISERIES

RAISE HELL

AMINA

Air.
Three words. Felt, needed, inhaled in every part of the world.
Yet no iota of it is present in this house of mine. The only thing  is this loud silence. So loud, it's deafening.

My roommate's dead.
Forensics state her body had been dead for about six days.
About the last time I saw her.

My mum's alive.
She's been at work since I came back.
All she did was fucking open the door. I walked in. She walked out.

And I've been here. So fucking alone. Caught off from the world. Life. Internet.

You don't really know the true meaning of loneliness until you live in a massive house where the only living things present are you and the fucking creepy gardener that only comes twice a week. At midnight.
 

That's why i thought what i thought about loneliness.
The bigger the house, the louder it gets.

And lord knows lonely it is.

I snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of the doorbell.
I made my way to door trying to remembered if I ordered food or invited someone over.
I was already on the few last flight of stairs when I remembered that  I didn't have any gadget of mine to do any of these.

I looked through the peephole. What was waiting for me at the other side sent chills  through my body.  I flunged the door opened and threw my arms around him.

'Dad!"

PRINCESS

From  public prison to my personal hell.

That's how it fucking feel like.
Every fucking minutes that passes it's like the burden on my neck increases. And it is fucking choking me to death. 
From the glares, the snide remarks, the snarky comments to the disgusted side glance set my way.

I went to reform school not prison for Pete's sake.

My parents have labelled me the black sheep. The family pariah.  They will have nothing to do with me, they said.
Focusing more on my sister.
Grooming her.
Train her to be the perfect trophy they could show off to their competitors.
Make them believe that they were not only successful in business but also raising the  picture perfect suburban family suitable for some family fashion magazine.
Pathetic.

Part of me was relieved that I was finally out of the spotlight that was on me so much I couldn't see the world asides from what the clicks and photos displayed to me.

Another part of me was fucking stressed out. Me thinking that me being out of the spotlight will be like a freeride to Freetown would be the most delusional thought I have ever thought of.  Now that I wasn't on Polaroid and The Daily Gossip, I was under the pressure of judgemental  and unloyal gazes of those so curious about my fallen grace and my sister's sudden rise to fame. Why I was now stuck at home staring at my sister as the answered questions on interviews that I myself have been on.  Countless times.

Even though I hate it, I can't help but feel slightly jealous.   
Maybe there was some hidden dead  unburied part of me that kind of liked the attention and admiration when ever that spotlight was on me as I gave one of my powerful speeches on saving the planet or gender discrimination in secondary schools.

But that why it's slight. That jealousy. It's there but faint. It's present but not visible. It's everywhere but not needed. Because I want to make a name for myself. I want people to know me as me, not last name. I want people to see me for I really am and not  those stories, flashy cameras tell.

But that's the thing about cameras. They don't actually hide the truth.
They just can't take pictures from different angles at the same time.

LANRE
You know that feeling you have when you are finally doing what you want to do but you can't fully enjoy because you know it will be all over soon and you have to go back to how things were before so you try not to get attached to it so that when it's over you won't miss it that much?

This was finally it.
This was what I've been waiting for. All I've ever wanted. Love. Good food. Netflix. Booze. Girls.
Emphasis on the girls.

But when your conscience us constantly nagging and reminding you that the time's ticking you can't help but feel overwhelmed. The past three days have been spent on the same routine.

Eat. Party. Drink. Get drunk and sleep. Wake up with a mad hangover before finding something to eat again.

Keep repeating it over and over again.
Sure I wasn't allowed to be visited but that didn't stop me. The worst they could do is punish me.

Been there. Done that.

It's no secret why we were evacuated. That school held a lot of dirty secrets and they knew it. I could feel a smirk forming on my face.

The way we were sent home without a second thought made my conscience back my thoughts. Because no pure school with a non tainted foundation would have codes and principles to follow based on  the heinous constantly committed in that school. It's really so amusing that no one has grabbed that thought by its tail.
They think they're so slick.
They're wrong.

Things have changed.
Plans are going to have to adapt to it.

My smirk grew wider.

IFE

Water.
Very essential.  Much needed. Can't live without it.

But there's nothing I want more than for water not to have been in existence.

It had been going for like how many  minutes?
10. 20. 100

I don't know. But I wanted  it to stop. I wanted to stop the immense tug in my heart reminding me of my lack of control. My own body.
It's fucking messed up. So sue me if I say I want it to end it all now. Maybe if I pit more pressure in my neck and hold my head in the water for a longer time i could-

He raises my head up from the tub. Looked me dead in the eyes. And spits on me. I averted my eyes from his  and looked straight to where my father stood. MY eyes puffy and red.  MY breathing ragged and unsteady. I  looked at him with pleading eyes.

All he did was smile.

"Again."

TOBE
There's always a moment or time or day, that you just want  some alone time.
A time to gather your thoughts.  A time to think about making some rash decisions which may be a product of excessive emotions.
A time to think about how cuddly and clingy your parents have been since you came out of reform even if it was only for a little while.
A time to think about how bull this sudden affection is because you know that the moment you return the become their cold aloof self.

It was all temporary. The moment the district head calls it safe and crime free if be booted out of this house and out of the lives of the people living in it.

I wouldn't blame them for taking such rash decisions towards their only child.
My father had just picked up his business from the rocks and my mom just got her dream job.
A scrawny deliquent doesn't put more light to the perfect picture.
My parents were young at heart and looks. They could easily pull off the newlywed.
With no kids. No problems. Just slight, normal banter here and there.

They were doing well. Just by themselves.
Too well, if you ask me.
They made it seem like i didn't exist.
Maybe im just being paranoid. And maybe  i am really as crazy as they painted me out to be.

But then, maybe, just maybe, they were looking for the perfect opportunity to get rid of me for good. I was a handful. I'm more than a handful now, given my recebt predicament.

And they did get rid of me. But not permanently.
Because the next time I'm coming home, I'm coming home for good. Nit for some useless code language.

Promise.

.