An Italian Romance

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January 12

     Life tends to find a way to tell you what you need in life, the hard part is knowing how to read the signs. This is a skill I've been trying to nail down & perfect, or at the very least be better at, for years. There have been times when I thought I had things figured out, only to learn later that I read the signs all wrong. For instance, a few years ago, I was working at an art gallery downtown. I love art and really enjoyed working there, but I felt like I didn't have any opportunities to grow and advance in my career. One day, while I was enjoying a coffee and a stroll in the nearby park, as I usually did after work, I found myself talking to myself. As soon as I realised it, I caught myself and checked around to make sure no one could hear me. Since it was pretty empty where I was, I continued the conversation with myself, thinking maybe I'll get an answer if I said it all aloud.

"Hey universe, it's me again. Yeah, I know, I'm probably annoying, but I'm so confused. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Do I enjoy working here? Yeah, I do. I'm not gonna lie, the people are great. It's in a field I love, I can't complain. I'm not complaining. I'm very grateful for this job, but to be honest, I don't really see any opportunity to grow. I've been working at this art gallery for three years now. I haven't had a raise, or any changes to my responsibilities. I've given ideas to my boss for possible events or even artwork they could display, but every idea I've given was shutdown almost right away. The only explanation was 'it's not really where the gallery is at right now.' What I really heard was 'I don't really like that idea'. Again, I'm grateful for the job but I wonder if it's time for me to find a new one. What do you say universe? Should I leave the gallery?

     Yes, I am completely aware of how this whole conversation sounds - I knew it then & I know it now. Anyway, after I ended my conversation with the universe, I was fully ready to just continue my stroll without any signs, especially since I usually don't get any answers when I ask. I continued on my, way, calmly walking through the park, when, at one point, I looked up to try to spot the bird that was chirping ever so sweetly. I was looking towards the tops of the trees when the few clouds in the sky caught my attention. I saw a cloud that was shaped like the letter 'Y'. I know how stupid this all sounds & maybe even made up, but I promise, it's the truth. I even took out my phone to take a picture of it. Obviously, given its timing, I took it as a possible sign that I should pay attention to - a sign from the universe telling me 'yes', that I should leave the gallery. Now, I should clarify that I didn't leave my job at the gallery right away. I mean, it's not like I saw the cloud & told myself 'That's it! That's the sign I've been waiting for! I'm going to go back to the gallery and tell them I'm leaving.' It was nothing like that. As a matter of fact, I stayed there for another four months after that day as I mulled over this decision. I weighed all my options, considered all the pros and cons of staying, & of leaving, while I searched other job opportunities in the same field. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I knew the cloud looked like a 'Y', but I also wondered about it, and considered the fact that it could have just been a coincidence, & that it didn't really mean anything at all. Or maybe, & probably sounding even crazier, someone else, standing under the same sky, asked a yes or no question of their own & that 'Y' was meant for them & not for me. My head was all over the place. When I spoke to my friends and family about it, they all told me the same thing - to weigh my options & think about how I would feel if I made the wrong choice. I value all of their opinions & suggestions. They all know me very well and they know how I can let things get to me, but this advice was not helpful at all. I understood and knew that other than deciding for me, there wasn't more they could say. At the end of the day, it was my decision to make. Well, after much consideration, stress, & lists of the good and bad of leaving and staying, I decided to start my search for a new job. Before, when I was searching, it was more of window shopping - seeing what was available to get an idea of my possible options. Now I was actively looking. I applied to multiple positions, but decided not to say anything at work until it was for sure I was leaving. I searched and saved job postings that interested me for about a month and a half before I started applying. Some of the ones I had saved were still available, while others I applied to were new. After a few months of interviews, I was offered a job at an art museum. I was sad to be leaving my co-workers at the gallery (we were a small group working at a small, independent gallery, so we all got to know each other & we all got along really well). When they knew it was finalised that I was leaving to start a new job, they surprised me, after a couple of weeks, with a small gift. Even after I left, I still kept in touch with those I was closest to, and we still message and see each other to this day. With all that said, I was excited to be working at the art museum. They had old paintings by classic painters, & by local painters. They were beautiful - some were soft & inviting, even calming, while others were darker, striking even. It was bigger than the little independent gallery, so obviously it had a larger team. My job was to help with preparing and maintaining displays. From the posting & job description, I was under the impression that I was, eventually, going to be in charge of planning displays also, but after working there for a year and a half, I learned that it wasn't going to happen, (well, it looked very unlikely anyway), and not to mention that there were people who had been working there longer than me, and who felt and acted like they knew a lot more. Because they were there longer, they were under the impression that they could boss me around to do things without showing any appreciation for my work and time. I started feeling taken advantage of and under-appreciated, and considered leaving. I know there's good and bad no matter where you work (no workplace is perfect), but I believe that, no matter where you work, you should be treated with respect, so I left. That was four months ago.