The Game

02

You don't have to be a prodigy to be unique
You don't have to know what to say or what to think
You don't have to be anybody you can never be
That's alright, let it out, talk to me. -Cavetown

Edit: republishing this chapter! Noticeable changes.

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When I was younger I wasn't very popular. In fact, I didn't even have friends. I was always left out of group activities, sleepovers, games. Anything and everything you could name.

It hurt the day of my 11th birthday. I was excited that maybe the other kids would come seeing as I made invitation cards and handed them out to my classmates. But I was disappointed the day of my birthday party.

No one came.

After waiting for two hours after my party started no one showed up. That broke my little 11 year old heart.

My sister wasn't home because she didn't want to be around a bunch of boys who didn't even show up. It was only me and my mom. She tried to cheer me up but nothing worked.

I didn't eat my cake.

I remember sitting at the table staring at it. My father got home from work and asked mom where everyone was at. She told him.

Nobody showed up.

All he did was look at me. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. I wanted to hide away from him. Go to my room and bundle up under my blanket so I wouldn't see the disappointment shown on his face. I didn't want my father to be disappointed in me.

I wanted him to be proud of me.

But nothing worked.

I tried everything at a young age to make him proud.

And it drained me.

I was supposed to be a child. I was supposed to do kid things. But all I did was worry about what my father would think, what he would say.

He told me I should be more like Chase.

More like chase? How could I be more like him? I wondered to myself that same night while laying in bed. I thought of ways I could be just like him. How I could make friends. How I could become popular.

Should I dress better? Should I cut my hair? Change my shoes? Change my personality?

Chase was everything my father wanted me to be.

But I couldn't do it. In the end i disappointed him.

I would cry after some of my games. Whenever I got home I would hide in my room because my father would yell at me about the things I did wrong. And everything I did was wrong in his eyes.

I just wanted to do something right.

I looked up on the internet 'ways to make your father proud' but everything I read was all the things I already did.

I was at a loss.

A month after my birthday it was Chases birthday. I remember getting an invitation to it. I remember being excited about it even though we didn't like eachother.