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lonely - JONGHYUN,TAEYEON
"Am I a burden to you? Am I too much for you?"
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01 | Where It All Started
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POV:Bang Chan
Because I'm so stupid!
Cut!
Because I'm so fat!
Cut!
Because I can't control myself!
Cut!
The blood drips from my wounds and flowed on the floor.I stare at my wounds veiled with tears. Why am I doing something like that? It's no use... right? A salty tear drips exactly on the bloody spot and it immediately begins to hurt like hell.
Oh okay, it hurts.
A slight smile creeps onto my lips as I tilt my head to the side and stare at the dripping blood in fascination.
Why is this so fascinating?
As if by itself, my right hand is moving closer and closer to my left forearm. I gently put the blade on my skin again and then slowly cut it over my forearm with pressure. Where the blade has kissed my skin, blood immediately swells out and In delight, I observe how more and more blood pushes to the surface.
It's true what everyone is saying.
It frees you.
The pain is greater than the mental.
I can't think of anything else but the red blood that runs down my forearm. Meanwhile, the floor is full of blood and my tears have dried. I can only concentrate on the blood.
I never thought it would work so well. It's better than any drug or anything else.
Enthusiastic about the effect, I cut myself directly two more times and stare with fascination at the spectacle that presented itself to me.
Suddenly a knock pulls me out of my soap bubble. Confused, I look around and my eyes are frantically scrying around the room.
Where am I?
"Chan Hyung? How much longer do you need?" the impatient voice of Minho sounded, then he knocked on the locked door again.
After a short time, I oriented myself. I'm in the bathroom. I frantically tear down toilet paper and try to wipe out the mess.
"Um...I-I'll be right there!" I call back and hear an annoyed groan.
"Well, but hurry up. We are all just waiting for you." I nervously bite my lower lip and wipe the blood from the floor and then rinse the toilet paper. I also quickly wash the blood from my burning forearm. Fortunately, the cuts have stopped bleeding. Although I am almost sure that no one would care anyway. I pulled down my sleeve and looked in the mirror one last time. A pale, sad boy looked at me.
Is that really me?
I sighed heavily.
What has become of me? The others would be much better off without me..
I took a deep breath before I opened the door and looked at an unnerved Minho with my arms crossed.
"It's about time. What have you been doing in there for so long? Come at last."
With my eyes lowered, I followed Minho into the living room, where all the others were already waiting. I felt their burning eyes on me and just wanted to disappear into the air now.
"Now that everyone is finally here," Hyunjin gave me a condescending look, "we can finally start."
What was it actually about? And why didn't I know about it? I was the leader.. Why don't I know about anything?
"It's about a vote on the Internet. Stays should vote on what their favorite ship is. The most voted will then join an interview next week," Hyunjin explained.
Voting?
"So far, Minchan is ahead," said Hyunjin, I see how the others looked at Minho in Pity.
"No! I don't want to be shipped with Chan," Minho protested with a disgusted face, „What will they think of me?"
Am I really that bad?
"I'm sorry.." I finally spoke out quietly. I didn't feel a bit like the leader. Are these the people I have chosen for my group?
"Your sorry doesn't change anything now either!" Minho snorted at me loudly.
I flinched and didn't dare to look at Minho.
"Hey, I have an idea!" Jisung got involved. "We can all vote for Hyunlix or something! I mean that's better than Minho has to go with Chan!" My breath stopped. Am I so unwanted?
I only heard the others enthusiastically agree and laugh out loud before I jumped up and fled out of the room. Tears ran down my face but I wiped them away harshly.
I am the oldest. I shouldn't cry about something like that. And that's called Leader.
I ran into my room, locked the door and let myself slide on the floor. I sobbed quietly into my knees.
I'm sorry..
YOU ARE READING
Lonely - Bang Chan
FanfictionStray Kids became more and more famous and it couldn't go better. At least it made the appearance from the outside. Behind the cameras, there was a broken leader who no longer knew where he belonged. Bangchan had feelings that he was sure he would n...
