Lonely - Bang Chan

03 | •Why?•

now playing...

You were Beautiful - DAY6
"Just the way that you would look at me, was so much I'd never wanna leave."

————————

02 | Why?

——————————

As soon as I entered, it became quiet. Hyunjin, Felix and Minho looked at me as if I were scum while the others didn't even bother to look in my direction. I swallowed hard and walked to the other end of the room to put down my bag.

"Look who decided to join us." Hyunjin mocked and the others laughed. I mumbled a soft apology, I didn't dare to look anyone in the eye.

We were already 30 minutes into practice, but my thoughts were somewhere else.
Am I really that useless? Why don't they like me anymore?
I was so deep in my thoughts that I lost my balance and stumbled directly against Felix and we both fell to the ground.

"What are you doing you dumbass? Can't you see where you're going?"
Felix growled with irritation and rubbed his neck. I felt a sharp pain in my ankle. Ow. Please don't. I'm just missing something like that..

"Yah! Answer when I talk to you!" Felix yelled and grabbed my chin aggressively. I flinched. My vision was blurry with tears when I looked up to Felix. "I'm sorry.." I whimpered. I had to look like a complete idiot.
"You should be." Felix hissed and stood back up. "You know, maybe that's why your mom abandoned you. You're so annoying, no wonder she left you."
I froze, and felt the tears in my eyes welling up. "S-she didn't leave me!" ,I protested,only trying to convince myself.

„Don't look at me like that , I'm surprised you're not used to this , you've been neglected by her your whole life so what's the difference now?" , he shrugged and walked off. This was literally too much. I fled out of the room and rushed into the bathroom,locking myself in the furthest stall. Big tears escaped my eyes and ran down my face but I wiped them away harshly.

I am the leader. I shouldn't not cry.

*no one came to support me and nobody comforted me.I wondered if i don't matter at all.
Of course you don't. Silly.
„Who are you?" I whispered,thinking I'm going crazy now. Am I hearing voices now?

I am you. And you are me. I am your mind,your soul,your body and your thoughts.
„What? Who are you? Go away.." , I murmured confused,burying my head on my knees.
Get up. Now. The voice commanded again and I slowly stood up.i peeked my head out of the stall door,looking around the room carefully. No one was here. I stepped out and walked towards the sink.
Water.now.make it hot.
As if paralysed,I turned on the water and held my hands under it. The temperature was extremely hot and burned my palm.
I felt the burn of the hot water on my hands,I was shocked.It was so hot that I couldn't move my hand. I looked down after a while and saw my palm red. The voice spoke again,it felt as if someone was whispering in my ear,but when I turned my head to the side,there was no one. I am alone.

From now on, you'll listen to what I say.