since seventeen | rirae ✔

09

"What do you want?" Gyuvin's tone was strict.

Taerae almost chickened out. The Gyuvin he knew was always kind and sweet towards everyone. This new behaviour from the younger was unexpected in a scary way that it almost made him tremble. But maybe that's what he deserved after being a jerk to someone as precious as Ricky.

"Can I talk to Ricky?" Taerae hated that he had to take Gyuvin's permission to see Ricky. Yet, he really had to. Because when Ricky was broken, Gyuvin was there to wrap him in a comforting hug. Maybe Ricky would have been worse if it wasn't for Gyuvin. So yeah, Gyuvin had every right to be stern to Taerae.

"I came to see him, please."

"Then where were you when he couldn't sleep at night? When he couldn't hold his tears in? When he couldn't even enjoy food, something he loves the most. When he was miserable, where were you?" Gyuvin almost shouted at the last line. The elder flinched, tears welled up in his eyes.

"I won't mess up this time." He managed to let out in a stable voice.

"Why did you mess up the last time, hyung?" Gyuvin's voice softened. His eyes were also glossy. "Do you know how much it hurt to see him like that with my own eyes? He was numb and it fucking hurt. He's my best friend, hyung." Taerae couldn't hold his tears in when he saw a teardrop falling from Gyuvin's eye.

He quicky wiped his eyes with his sleeves and stood aside.

"Just make it right this time." Gyuvin spoke. "Please."

Taerae nodded and approached Ricky's room. He inhaled and exhaled a large intake of air. He knocked twice on the door and turned the doorknob after hearing a faint 'come in' from inside.

"Gyub, how come you're knocking, huh?"

Taerae's stiff shoulders dropped. He saw a blonde boy sitting on his chair, back facing Taerae. It was like a wave of emotions hitting him on spot. He missed Ricky so fucking much.

"Hi."

Ricky's ears perked up at the voice. He knew it so well. This voice his lullaby to which he would always fall asleep peacefully. This voice was also the one from which he had to hear hurtful things.

"Go away." Ricky said instead of turning around.

"Ricky, I'm so sorry."

"You've made it clear already. Don't bother me now, please."

"Just hear me out, Ricky. I'm hear to make things right. I'm here to heal the both of us" Taerae said, voice already cracking. "Trust me, I haven't been good. I know it was worse for you and I'm here to fix it all."

Ricky didn't utter any other words. He simply turned around. Tears rolled down to Taerae's cheeks. Ricky looked paler than before. His dark circles were prominent. He lost weight as one could tell from his hollow cheekbones.

Taerae was the reason behind this state of his beloved Ricky. He wanted to scream and shout at himself to cause these. He wanted to hit himself, curse at himself. Yet he stood there, crying.

"I'm so sorry."

Ricky sighed before standing up. He walked towards the elder and held his hand. Ricky led him to his bed and both of them sat there in silence.

"How have you been?" Taerae broke it. Ricky let out a chuckle, perhaps a sarcastic one. "What do you think?" He said and pointed at himself. Taerae remembered when Ricky first dyed his hair blonde and pointed at it just like this. His chest hurt once again.

"I'm sorry." He said and diverted his gaze away from Ricky.

"Hyung, cut to the chase."

"Right." Taerae cleared his throat. "You know the day when you confessed to me, it was just so overwhelming for me." He looked at Ricky again to detect any type of expression, trying to predict what was going inside his mind. The only expression he found was of listening intently. So Taerae continued.

"I was jealous with you and Gyuvin. I already set in my mind that you were nothing else but my brother. But your confession blew me away, really."

Ricky nodded and indicated the other to say more "I was relieved in a sense that you weren't in love with Gyuvin but with me."

Seeing Taerae stop, Ricky decided to to speak. "Making you jealous was solely my and Gyuvin's plan. I didn't know it would make you react like that, Taerae hyung." Oh how much Taerae missed his name in that voice!

"Let me get this straight." Taerae announced. He mustered up all the courage and he would not back off after coming this far.

"I love you, Shen Quanrui."

Ricky had barely any change in his facial expression at first. But gradually, his intent eyes grew soft and his face seemed more radient, more lively. "Do you mean it?" His voice was dulcet and dreamy.

"I do. I love you a lot. I love you like I love singing, like I love laughing. I love you beyond the moon, I love you beyond infinity, beyond words. I love you like I've never loved before. In fact, I've always loved you, I was late to realize that." Taerae spoke at once, breathless afterwards.

"Woah. That's poetic." Ricky exclaimed, with a satisfied look resting on his face.

Taerae hit his chest lightly. "It's very serious for me, idiot." Ricky giggled and before the elder could retreat his hand, Ricky captured them with hims own one. He pulled the latter closer and hugged him. This time, Ricky was the one to bury his face in Taerae's chest.

"Thank you for loving me, hyung." He mumbled in a muffled way. "I love you too."

Taerae broke down in tears once again. Except this one, he was smiling brightly and inhaling the strawberry scent of Ricky. He pecked the younger's head a few times until he looked up. Taerae wasted no time to cup Ricky's cheeks with his palms. The blonde showed a toothy grin and said, "Are you gonna kiss me now?"

"Bet."

Their lips met and their hearts filled up with happiness. They didn't go any further than pressing their lip on the other's. Because they were finally together, no one's gonna go anywhere.

They pulled away and Ricky stared at his eyes, cheeks still cupped by the elder.

"Boyfriends?" He asked and waited for his hyung's confirmation.

"Boyfriends."