Both Worlds

Chapter One

After hours of lines, signatures, background checks, paperwork and worrying, I finally exist.

Almost. Now I just wait in the Between, waiting for a nonexistent to tell me what I am in existence. I could be an animal, or a feeling, an idea, or maybe a concept. I would last longest as a concept, so that would be nice, but I haven't been in Nonexistence for very long, so a feeling would be okay, too.

I don't remember Existence, no one ever does, but I remember it was so much brighter than Nonexistence.

There. I think I see a nonexistent coming over to me. All nonexistents follow the form of humans, a type of animal. This one represents a female, hair pulled up into a bun as if she means business.

When she sees me, her eyes narrow a bit, then, she gives me a sympathetic smile and swallows, as if bracing herself to do something hard. Automatically, I sense that something is wrong and I review the entire process.

The documents. Did I miss a document. No, I signed all twenty-six. I signed the document for the acceptance to memory wipe effect of existing. I signed the no contact document. I signed- "K." The nonexistent says my name, drawing my attention. We don't have long names here, like objects or things in Existence. Just one letter.

The nonexistent sighs "K, your application for Existence has been denied."

I can't think of anything to say. I feel frozen, completely unsure what went wrong. I try to snap myself out of it.
"W-Why?" I manage to stutter.

She sighs again. I want to tell her it's slightly annoying, but I'm not rude. "The Committee finished evaluating your health, and you're not in a condition to exist. The exit is over there."

Of course, I know where the exit is, but I just turn and go. If everything had turned out right, this door would take me to Existence. But, everything did not turnout all right.

My health? What was up with my health? I haven't been dissolving at all, I know that for sure. And I haven't felt the signs of being pushed into Void. The chills, the paralyzation, the struggle to remain conscious, I've experienced none of this. What happened?

I walk home. If I existed, I think I would be angry, but all I can feel is slight frustration.

Then, it hit me.

First, I felt the pounding throbbing sensation fill my head and my knees buckled and there was the screeching which my hands couldn't block out no matter how hard I pressed them against my ears and it was going going and screeching and pounding and yelling, and hurt, more of any feeling than I've ever felt in Nonexistence.

I curled into a ball until it was over. It was probably about one minute, but I can't ever tell. All that's left is a slight ringing all around me.

I stand up. And staggering, run back to the building I sleep in, the Resthouse.