Nikki Potter: A Heart's Choice

Chapter eight

Nikki sat in front of the fire, with Remus and Sirius by her sides, her body and mind were numb, she couldn't feel anything. But she couldn't think about anything either, it was as if she was just a shell and her spirit wandered away.

Remus was quiet, he studied Nikki, in hopes to figure out what was wrong. She had not spoken to either of them, she barely even looked at them “Nikki, what happened that has you so upset?” asked Sirius, instead of the annoying whiny voice he had earlier, it was more concerned.

“Good luck on getting her to talk.” said James as he walked into the common room from the Boy's Dorm. He tried to hide his emotions, he was supposed to be the strong one, that people envied, not someone who shows every emotion he had.

Sirius looked at James with a confused look, he obviously knew what was wrong. If he knew what was wrong, why didn't he tell them? Instead of having them try to get Nikki to talk “If you are worried about your parents being sick, I'm sure they will be fine.” said Sirius looking back at Nikki.

Those words felt like a stab to Nikki and James, and as a result James smacked the back of Sirius' head as he walked by “You are an idiot, Sirius.” said James, not in his usual joking matter, but in a serious and cold voice.

Just as Sirius went to respond, Nikki opened her mouth, her lips trembling “They are never coming home...” whispered Nikki, lowering her gaze “And I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye.” she added, her body wanting to cry the tears she no longer had.

Then, Nikki felt a hand touch her back, the touch made her tense up. Her body didn't seem to want anybody touching her, as if it was afraid she would get hurt some how. Nikki forced her head to turn enough to look at Remus, who was staring back at her with pity in his eyes.

It was only then that Nikki realized it was Remus who had touched her back, and knowing this made Nikki relax. Even with all that has happened between her and Remus, he was still able to relax her, make her feel calm.

It was an effect that Nikki always felt around Remus, yet it was not one she was ever really able to explain. In her first and most of her second year, she suspected it was almost like a brotherly thing, until Sirius let it slip that Remus had a crush on her in her first year. Ever since then Nikki was never sure what to make of it.

“I didn't know! I'm sorry.” said Sirius quickly, but Nikki found herself only shrugging, and not saying another word. He wished that he never opened his big mouth to say that, even if did explain why James called him an idiot like that, he certainly felt like one.

James sat down in one of the armchairs “We have to figure out what we are going to do.” said James, his emotions still hidden behind his invisible mask “ Considering we are both underage.” he added, they didn't really have much family to go to.

“I don't get it, James.” said Nikki, making James look at her “You were closer with mum and dad, but you are acting like they aren't even gone...” she added, turning her gaze back to the fireplace and watched the dancing flame.

James was silent for a long moment, wanting to choose his words carefully “Some people know how to deal with things better.” he said at last, not wanting to say that he was actually hurting on the inside, it wasn't something he desired to say in front of Remus and Sirius.

Nikki nodded slightly, she knew James was right, but this was their parents that died, she would've of thought James would show some emotion. But James does everything better anyway, he might just be dealing with it better thought Nikki.

The same burning sensation as crying formed in Nikki's eyes, but from all the crying, no tears came. Along with that, thoughts of how her parents always favored James flooded into her fragile mind, but they seemed to bother her more than they did before.

Nikki felt like she was never good enough for them, that she never lived up to their expectations that were help set by James. A part of her felt guilty for not being the perfect daughter they wanted, and for not being special like James.

Why the thought bothered Nikki more, she wasn't entirely sure. But once the thoughts entered her mind, they were difficult to get rid of, sorta like an annoy child neighbor who follows you around wanting to be just like you.

For the first time in an hour, Nikki stood up “I need to go talk to professor Slughorn.” said Nikki, before any of them could ask, she assumed that he would be in his office, and it was just before dinner so she was free to roam “Alone.” she added, mainly looking at Remus.

Nikki walked out of the common room, hoping that being alone for a bit would do her some good. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate her friends being concerned, she truly appreciated it, she just needed time alone to let mind relax.

The walk to Professor Slughorn's office seemed longer than it usually did, even if Nikki was thinking the whole time, which usually makes the walks to classes seem shorter. Nikki walked into the office, which had its door open “Professor.” said Nikki.

Professor Slughorn looked up from the book he had been looking at “Ah, Ms. Potter.” he said, seeming pleasantly surprised “You never showed up to class today.”stated Professor Slughorn “But nevertheless, what can I do for you?” he asked with a dismissive wave.

Nikki shuffled her feet uneasily “I was just wondering about the dinner party tomorrow night.” she began, her eyes flickering to one of the walls “If it was necessary to go to it?” asked Nikki, not looking back at Professor Slughorn's

Though she wasn't looking, Nikki could feel Professor Slughorn's slightly disappointed and disapproving gaze “Well it is the first dinner party of the year, so I would say it is pretty necessary to go.” replied Professor Slughorn “Why, is something wrong?”

Nikki shifted her gaze to her feet, she debated whether or not to tell Professor Slughorn why she didn't really want to go to the dinner party. She was sure he would ask why never showed up to class at the dinner party, and she rather not announce it to everyone.

Just as Nikki opened her mouth to reply, she heard someone knock on the door frame of the office “Mr. Snape, come in, I was just talking to Ms. Potter here.” said Professor Slughorn and Nikki's head snapped up “Now, you were saying?” asked Professor Slughorn.

Nikki shook her head slightly “It doesn't matter.” said Nikki quickly “I will be there since its important..” she added, in a slightly unhappy tone of voice “Thank you for your time, Professor.” she said forcing a smile.

When Nikki turned around, her eyes immediately when to Severus'. Her heart seemed to do an weird flip when she looked at him, and breathing seemed to become more difficult like it has been whenever she was around him now.

Nikki kept her gaze until she reached she reached the door, then walked out. Nikki didn't expect to run into Severus like that, even if Professor Slughorn's office was in the dungeon like the Slytherin common room, she didn't think that Severus would go to the office as well.

Severus stared at the door for a long moment, before looking away. Nikki didn't want to go to the dinner party? And she appeared to have been crying, and when she looked at him, he saw pain in her eyes.. Was he the reason she didn't want to go?