Formula Love: Devotion

3 years later ...

"SADIE. SADIE. You're okay, you're fine, you're safe!"

You know them dreams, the ones you get from a past experience? Ones that absolutely ripped your heart out?

Yeah, me too.

I opened my eyes, caped in sweat, my heart thumping and my hands shaking. A scared Ellie, was staring right back at me trying to calm me down as she sat on the edge of my bed. I reached out for her and clung on to her. She didn't say anything she just held me stroking my damp hair.

It's been three whole years since the accident, three whole years since Mattie passed and three whole years since I gave birth to my son. And life was not getting any easier.

"What time is it?" I asked her quietly.

"4am"

"I'm so sorry for waking you." I tell her and she hushed me and shook her head.

"The twins keep me up more than you do and they're nearly four." She giggles making me feel less overwhelmed. "You and Lewis need to go in an hour for the interview."

Right the interview. The one before I get back to doing what I loved most ... driving.

You may all be thinking; why have I not got back into the drivers seat in three years. And I'll tell you why...

I'm scared.

After the crash I was airlifted to hospital I punctured my lung, broke both legs and dislocated my spine in three places along with all the head trauma that I endured. I went through a painful year of rehab meaning I couldn't walk or even move.

Not to mention I had my baby within that year.

If I didn't try and overtake I would not be here now. I'd be fine and so would Charles.

Charles was actually fine after a couple months or so, but now a different man entirely. I barely recognise him, he started driving within six months after the blast like nothing happened.

"Right, you need to take a shower, put some makeup on that stunning face of yours and show the F1 world how much they missed you." Ellie exclaims to me before kissing my head and leaving.

I slowly heave myself out of bed and into the bathroom turning on the lights which blinded me. I turned on the water to have my shower and let it warm up for a while, sitting on the edge of the bath. I glanced up at the mirror in front, opening my eyes wide at the sight of me.

A red faced and dark eyed Sadie was staring right back at me. I quickly looked away rubbing at my face trying to make me more awake. My eyes then shift to the painkiller cabinet next to the mirror and linger there for a while.

Do I need them today? My backs not too sore today. Shall I take them incase?

I'm distracted from my thoughts as I realised the shower was probably warm enough now.

I spent quite a while in there, just thinking of what today may bring. I'll see the team for the first time since that day, all the other drivers.

But the ones I kept thinking about were Lando and Charles.

But at least I had my (basically) brother in law to keep me company. And sane.

I finished applying mascara to my lashes and heard Lewis call for me to "Get your arse down here now!" So I complied and made my way downstairs not before looking in the mirror at myself. I had on a three piece, mint- green, pant suit which I thought would make a good statement.

And for the first time - a good outfit to show off to the media, instead of the baggy clothes and crutches and wheelchairs I was bound by not so long ago.

"Come on Sadie you can do it!", I murmured to myself.

I strutted my stuff all the way down to the front door and Lewis, Ellie and the twins all stared at me in awe. Both the girls ran to my sides, hugging my legs. Both of them having messy french plaits in their hair - which I did last night as they say I'm the "best auntie ever".

"Girls leave aunt Sayd alone she doesn't need your grimy hands on her." Ellie jokes trying to get them to let go. They look at her with pouty faces and then look up at me. I bend down to pick them both up as they snuggle into me, "Ignore your mother, I love you girls so much." I quickly peck them on the forehead and put them down.

I felt my back stinging in pain as I straightened myself back up but I try and play it cool as I held onto the banister.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Lewis asks most likely knowing I was in pain.

"Yep, now let's go!" I tell him with a big smile on my face slowly walking to the front door. "Love you all!"

The three all chanted their goodbyes and we soon left in Lewis' car on our way to the press event. I lay back into the seat and sigh, my back feeling better already, "This is going to be a long day, Lew."

"Yeah but you've got me. Have you spoke to Lando or Charles recently?" He asks timidly.

"I spoke to Lando a couple weeks ago and Charles ... longer than that.", I suck in a sharp breath.

"He's such an ass. You're the mother of his child for one and he sees the kid maybe once a month. I'm gonna have a serious chat with him today, let me tell you-"

"No, thank you Lewis. But I'll deal with him. It's not his fault."

Really, it isn't. You all may not believe me now but you will soon.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and see that my mums calling me. Just like she does every morning, noon and night.

"Hey, sweet. How are we feeling today?" I hear her quiet voice on the phone.

"Yeah not bad just on the way to the press conference. How's my baby? Jamie hasn't man-handled him too much has he?" I chuckle down the phone and Lewis laughs along.

"Oh definitely not, you're Ellis' a fighter. Jay's had him on this car game this morning and he's got the driver instinct in him just like you and..." she pauses before uttering "his father I suppose."

I could sense the eye roll from a mile away.

Mum has definitely been the most annoyed with Charles since I had El. He only sees him a couple times a year, even the Leclerc family sees him more than he does. But he has his reasons.

"When you see him today I want you to give him a piece of my mind-"

"Mum. It's fine. I'm going to be civil with him you know how he is now. I love you so much." I tell her before hanging up. I recline further back into my seat shutting my eyes, trying to get some more rest.

[Hey guys! I know I left you all hanging for a long time and I apologise for that :)
I'm still not 100% sure where I'm going to go with this storyline as of yet but I'm welcoming ideas from all you lot! I'd love to have your guys' say.
Love you all]