riki.nishimura → twelve weeks

48

After a while of Jinyoung supporting me with him holding my drunken state off, I pushed him off me, walking on my own.

When I say walking on my own, I mean that I was walking as if I had two left legs. I had no control nor direction of where I was going and what I even looked like.

It was pretty quiet around the place I was, unusual for Seoul nightlife, most of the people have probably gone to the center to the bigger, better clubs and overpriced restaurants.

As we walked around, enjoying the peace and quietness, I stopped, looking at a store. It was closed, the lights inside were dimmed, but the lights on the outside of the shops still shone bright, and if you managed to look close enough, you could still see the stuff inside of the dimmed shop.

I looked down at my wrist, then back up at the glass. I pressed my face up against it, staring at the bracelets and accessories in the store.

This was the store I got my matching bracelets with Niki. I remember literally going in here and feeling completely overwhelmed at his insistence at getting bracelets together.

I smiled faintly, then that smile faded quicker than it came. It was a sweet memory that became painful and bittersweet when reflected back on it.

Somedays I wished I miraculously woke back up in Jeju and was able to go eat fresh seafood, and run along the beach and listen to the waves crash among the sand.

Somedays I wished definitely that I would turn around on my bed and see that blonde man, peacefully sleeping by my side.

I sighed, cutting myself out of my daze as Jinyoung pulled my arm closer to his, dragging me away from the store. I looked back, the store beginning to become more of a blur by the second.

"Jesus, come on Yeojin, it's just a fucking store." Jinyoung muttered to himself, giving a light chuckle as he pulled my arm tightly further and further away.

"I don't want to go, I don't." I pulled my arm away from Jinyoung's, taking him aback slightly.

"What? Yeojin, you're so drunk, It's not safe for you to walk around here like this." Jinyoung insisted, startled and confused at my behavior.

In my mind, I still thought I was in Jeju. Where I could freely walk around, where everything smelt fresh and pretty, where I could wake up and feel as if I was in a movie.

Looking around, I felt lost, this was such a huge city, and it was so weird being here. Even though I've lived here my whole life, I just don't feel right being here.

"I want to go back." I sulked, looking down at my feet, dragging against the concrete.

Jinyoung gave a short laugh, shaking his head and placing his arm around me. He had a slightly tight grip on my arm, and as much as I wanted him away from me right now, I had no energy, my mood was low and I just felt like a pile of nothing.

"Are you talking about Jeju?" Jinyoung let out a brief laugh, "Oh come on Yeojin, it's so much better here! You were only there for twelve weeks, let it go. If you had lived in Jeju all your life, you would've wanted to stay here too."

His words did make sense I suppose, but even with that thought in mind, I wanted to go back to Jeju, desperately. Not for the food, not for the views, not for anything remotely structural.

I wanted to go there for one reason, and one reason only.

To see Niki again.

I felt like an asshole, just leaving him like that, no contact, no whereabouts or explanation of such. I was just gone one morning, I felt guilty about that, every day it was stuck to me.

I love that guy, and it pained me to even think of him finding someone knew, matter of fact, moving on. It would hurt so bad, to one day just come back to Jeju, and see him in the same spots with another girl, laughing, smiling, talking.

I was in my thoughts so much, that I didn't even realise Jinyoung had brought me back up to my apartment. I was in a huge daze of helplessness and worthlessness, I opened my apartment, throwing myself into my living room as soon as I closed the door behind me.

I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want to do anything, maybe except drink my sorrows away.

So, rightfully, I made my way to my fridge after a while of disassociating. I opened it, expecting there to be something for me to numb the thoughts in my head, but, clearly not. 

Clearly I've been so low that all the alcohol I have drank. I groaned, feeling a little dizzy and weary, but nonetheless, I grabbed my keys and made my way towards the convenience store.

The same one that I was with Niki in.