The Love We Long For

I miss you

"Phaya, hey Phaya! " In the dark place where he was laying a door opened and someone called his name sweetly. The body of that person moved closer and closer and touched his cheek tenderly.
"Tharn!?" Phaya murmured slowly. He knew this was a dream, so, he was afraid that if he would call him louder, then he would wake up from his dream and his Tharn would disappear.

Coming closer, through the deep darkness around him Phaya saw that Tharn was crying silently.

"Tharn, why are you crying?" Phaya asked softly, reaching out to wipe away his tears.

Tharn looked up at him with sorrowful eyes, "I miss you, Phaya. I miss your warmth, your laughter, your touch. I miss everything about you."

Phaya felt his heart ache at Tharn's words. He wanted to hold him close, to never let him go. But he knew this was just a dream, a fleeting moment of happiness in the darkness.

"I miss you too, Tharn. But we can't be together right now. " Phaya whispered, his voice filled with deep sadness.

Tharn nodded, understanding the truth of their situation. "I know, Phaya. But I will always love you, no matter where we are or what happens."

And with those words, Tharn leaned in and pressed his lips against Phaya's, a bittersweet kiss that lingered in the darkness.

Opening his eyes Phaya found himself laying on the sofa in the hospital. On the bed in front of him was laying none other than his beloved Tharn.

"Tharn, I'm sorry Tharn, please forgive me .  I wish I could make time go back and protect you better. It's my fault for everything so please forgive me and come back to me baby . Wake up please " Phaya said grabbing Tharn's hand and patting his head slowly.

"Phaya , I think you should go home " The door opened and a man in his 30's entered with a concerned face . "You was not going home for the last 2 weeks , you should go have a bath and rest for a while " he continued patting Phaya's shoulder .

"I had a shower here  last night and I rested don't worry . I'm not tired " Phaya answered but everyone could've seen he was exhausted.

"Phaya, I will stay with him , if there is a change in his situation I will call you next second ,trust me "
"No need Phi , I'm telling you ,I'm ok ,I'm not tired at all ,I can stay here , when I'll be tired I'll tell you "

"Phaya, please listen to me ..." The older person said patting his shoulder again and Phaya  couldn't take it anymore, his eyes blurred and tears started to fall on his cheeks without stopping.
"It's ok , you can cry , I'm here " the older one said hugging Phaya tight .
"Phi Mock , it's my fault, how can I go home and take rest when he is here . It's my fault Phi ."
"Phaya ... It's not your fault , it is not , trust me. Everything will be ok , he will come back to us . Just please go home have a shower and have some rest . You don't want him to see you like this when he wake up , right?"

Phaya looked up at the man with tears in her eyes, "But I can't leave Tharn, he needs me," he whispered.

The man sighed and sat down next to him, "I know you care for him deeply, but you need to take care of yourself too. Tharn would want you to be strong and healthy."

Phaya nodded, wiping her tears away. "You're right, I'll go home and rest for a bit. But I'll be back soon, I promise."

The man smiled and helped him up, "Take care of yourself, Phaya. Tharn will be okay, I'm sure of it."

"Hm" Phaya mumbled and wiped his own tears . "Then I will let Tharn in your care " he said and after kissing Tharn's cheek he took his jacked and left slowly looking back a few times.

He didn't want to leave at all , he wanted to stay there  ,but than again Phim Mock was right too . If Tharn would wake up he would get really worried seeing in what state he was .

As Phaya left the room, he couldn't help but feel guilty for what had happened to Tharn. But he knew he had to take care of himself in order to be there for him when he woke up.
Closing the door behind him Phaya left Tharn with Mock and left.

"Phi Mock" a voice was heard and Mock jumped grabbing his heart.
"How many times will you scare me Ai Tharn" Mock shouted in surprise.
"Ya, Phi, I'm not a ghost why would you be scared " Tharn said annoyed approaching him .
"You are tho"
"I'm not dead yet" Tharn said more annoyed by his brother response.
"Should I kill you and transform you in a real ghost ? " Mock asked annoyed by the scare he got , trying to grab his little brother but his hand passed through the young one .
"No ,thank you for your offer Phi . " Tharn said laughing ,staying down on the bed beside his body .

"Tharn, why don't we tell Phaya about you . He is really worried" Mock said approaching the young one and looking at him tenderly. He loved his brother a lot but he was always to busy to show it. He was always sorry for that but however he wanted to make the time go back he couldn't. The past couldn't be changed so the only thing he could do was to stay by his side now.
" Phi , do you know ? Phaya didn't eat anything for the last two days . How worried will he be if he knew I am in danger of dying if I won't complete my mission." Tharn answered his smile disappearing from his face . 

Seeing Phaya in so much pain made his heart crumble moment by moment . Not talking about the fact that he tried all these days to make him see him without success. The only time he could make Phaya see him was just in his dream and that was just for a moment . The darkness in Phaya's heart at that moment made him so shocked that he felt his heart crumbling down at the thought that he is the cause of his beloved Phaya's pain .

"Why don't you tell me  your mission Nong, we can help you..." Mock said but got interrupted by Tharn " You can't help me Phi , no one can help me and I can't tell you anything please stop asking me. " How could he say it  when even he doesn't know his mission. He was just told that he needs to find his way back in 40 days otherwise he will die for real.