𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙮𝙚𝙙 (english version)

𝓞𝓷𝓮

ONE

Hello, I introduce myself, Newt. In reality my name is Newton but, between us, Newt is clearly better. I'll skip my physical description.

I'm 15 years old, and as you understand, I'm entering 10th grade, in Beacon Hills. We are a little in a poor place.

In short, Sonya is my sister. We only live both of us practically all year round. Mom comes back every 4 months. But this summer she didn't come. She didn't want to see me, saying she didn't have time, whereas before she had time. But I know why. I disgust her because she learned that I was in love with one of my friends. After that, neither has spoken to me even once until today. Finally, it's not just mom and Thomas.

There are clearly all the dearest friends I had except Minho. Minho accepted and tried to fix things, but in the end they turned their backs on him too. Gally, Brenda, Ben and Thomas. I miss them a lot.

Tomorrow is back to school. And I'm dying to go see them and explain myself with them. Already for us to reconcile but also to try to find out why they destroyed my life by screaming these three little words. "Newt is gay". Only three words. I was harassed last year for that, and I still have traces of it. Why was I dropped like shit just because my heart was beating for a boy? Why because of them does my mother take me for a mistake, and Sonya the miracle that saves us the challenge?

Because of all this, my body is filled with scars, some larger than the other. No one knows it. Not even Minho or Sonya. This time I keep everything to myself.

It's the kind of thing that is done alone, that starts alone, but doesn't stop alone. But how to talk about it? To be rejected by those who had promised to stay? Not worth it frankly.

It started as soon as these three little words of nothing at all came out of their mouths. And you see, even the greatest in the college can be harassed. "Now you're going to assume Newton" Oh no, I didn't assume. And I can assure you that I felt something when Gally pronounced my entire name.

So here it is, I closed myself in... self-harm?

It started with a stroke, a second, third, and so on. It started on my wrists, my forearms, my arms, my chest, my thighs. Non-stop. Every night, since this ordeal began.

And then, not so long ago, I started the irreparable. Sonya kept asking me why lighters were lying around in my room. No, I don't smoke.

I'm burning myself. Since the end of the 9th grade year. Deep down, I screamed in pain, like when I was hit and swung against the lockers, but no word came out of my mouth. And nothing intends to get out of it anymore. At first, it hurt so much... and I got used to it. But I also continued to disassemble my pencil sharpeners that I asked to buy every week, so much I lost the screws of this fucking thing.

Obviously, after all this, my heart is still beating for him. I can't help but love him and hurt myself.

That's it, I guess you know pretty much everything about me :)