stand by me love story

Chapter 7 lardass

We camped out

Man, that was the all-time train dodge

I bet I said

Too cool

Vern, you were so scared, you looked like Abbott Costello when he saw the mummy

You bet Olivia said

I wasn't that scared

He was Andrew whisper to me

I just laughed

Vern we all said

No really, I wasn't sincerely

We'll just check your jockeys for Hershey squirts

Go screw

You better turn yours over

This is how I do it

Then he dropped his hotdog in the fire

Aw man you got any more, Gordie?

Sorry, vern

What am I supposed to eat?

Cook your dick

It would be a small meal

Aha

Screw you guys, I got it

Ha ha ha ha

Then Anna and Carol and Tammy and Lola passed out

Then we started to smoke

Nothin' like a smoke after a meal

Yeah

I cherish these moments

Then we started to laugh

What? What did I say?

Gordo, why don't you tell us a story?

I don't know

Oh, come on

Please Abigail said

Yeah, come on, Gordo

No horror stories, I'm not up for that, man

Tell us the one about Sergeant steel and his battling leathernecks

I've been thinking about something different

It's about this pie-eating contest

The main guy is this loser fat kid nobody likes named Davy Hogan

My last name, man Andrew said

Like joey Hogan's brother, if he had one

Good, vern

Go on, Gordie

Well, this kid, he's our age, but he's fat, real fat

He weighs close to 180

It's not his fault it's his glands

Yeah, my cousin's like that

Jane? Charlotte said

No

Sincerely she weighs over 300 pounds

Donna Charlotte said

Yes

It's her hiboy, or something

I don't know about any hiboy gland, but what a blimp

No, shit she looks like a thanksgiving turkey

And this one time

Shut up, vern Lisa and Chris said

Yeah, right, go, on, Gordie

Instead of calling him Davy, the kids call him lardass

Lardass Hogan

Even his little brother and sister call him lardass

At school, they put a wild load sticker on his back, and they beat him up whenever they get a chance

But one day, he gets an idea

The greatest revenge idea a kid ever had

What the audience didn't know was that lardass wasn't really interested in winning

What he wanted was revenge, and right before he was introduced he's ready for it

Dying into his fifth pie, lardass imagined he wasn't eating pies

He prented he was eating rat guts in blueberry sauce

Slowly, a sound started to build in lardass' stomach

A strange and scary

A sound like a truck approaching at 100 miles an hour

Suddenly, lardass opened his mouth, and before Bill Travis knew it, he was covered with five pies worth of used blueberries

The women in the audience screamed

Boss man bob codmier looked at bill Travis

And barfed on principle Wiggins

Principle Wiggins barfed on the lumberjack next to him

Mayor Grundy barfed on his wife's tits

But when the smell hit the crowd, that's when lardass' plan really started to work

Girlfriends barfed on boyfriends kids barfed on their parents

A fat lady barfed in her purse

The donelley twins barfed on each other

The women's auxiliary barfed all over the benevolent order of antelopes

And lardass just sat back and enjoyed what he created

A complete and total barfarma

Yay we all yelled

Yucky Carol said

Too cool

Oh man that was the best

Then what happened?

What do you mean?

I mean what happened?

What do you mean what happened? That's the end

What kind of ending is that?

What happened to lardass?

I don't know

Maybe he went home and celebrated with a couple of cheeseburgers

Jeez, that ending sucks

Make it so that lardass goes home and he shoots his father, then runs away and joins the Texas rangers

Then Carol hid behind Chris

How about that?

That a dumb ending I said

Ah, I don't know

Something good like that

I liked the ending the barfing was really good

But there's one thing I don't understand

Did lardass have to pay to get in the contest?

No, vern, they just let him in

Oh, oh, great, great story

That was good I said

Yeah, it's was a great story, Gordie

I just didn't like the ending

Hey, verno where's the radio?

Here

Then we got into our sleeping bag and I passed out