Yours Truly

Tapping the surface

Excuse all typos
Enjoy!
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As I sat in my car, my mind was racing. I wasn't surprised that I sat and conversed with an old friend. I was surprised at how my body responded to him. Not in a sexual way but in a way that felt real and safe. I ran through every minute of our conversation it seemed like and when I thought about him staring into my eyes, I caught myself smiling. I really couldn't get over how comfortable I was with him.

I pulled my mirror down and looked at myself.

"Oh no Deja. Get it together. Stop all of that grinning" I said to myself as I patted my cheeks.

He was just a childhood friend and all we did was catch up with one another. Nothing serious. I was still somewhat weirded out at the fact that my phone was really silent the whole time I was with him. That's just not normal. I reached for my phone to call Alicia.

Alicia: Hey bestie! How was breakfast?

Me:  Breakfast...breakfast was good..?

As soon as those words left my mouth I frowned because it came out like a question. I literally facepalmed myself. Alicia doesn't miss for the most part.

Alicia: Ummm why did that sound more like a question? What happened?

Me: Uh...I um..

Alicia: I'm listening. You know you don't have to be scared to tell me anything. Judgement free zone since we were kids.

Me: I know I know...I just..I get in my head. Ok, well, Jay was there.

Alicia: Whaaaat? How?! Tell me more.

I told Alicia how everything went down and she was excited as if Jay and I had made things official. She was the dramatic best friend.

Me: Alicia, calm down. Jay and I are not together. We are just two friends that did a little bit of catching up. Simmer down hun.

Alicia: That's what you're saying now but I see it. I see yall! Don't give that man a hard time.

Me: Relax. I'm not giving him a hard time. I'm not giving him that type of time anyway. It wasn't like we planned to have breakfast together.

Alicia: If you say so...oh shoot let me take this call that's coming through. I'll call you back. Love you sis!

Me: Ok, love you too.

I pulled out of the parking space and headed home. I had to work on lesson plans for the following weeks. I'm usually three weeks ahead in my lesson planning but due to hanging out the other night, I didn't get to complete week 3.

As I was driving home, my mind was doing its own thing. Since I was a child, my mind would always be on go. My mom never wanted to take me to the doctor to get any testing done because she said that if they labeled me, it would follow me where ever I went in life. She didn't want a label to stop me from receiving certain things such as scholarships or job opportunities. As a child, I didn't understand but now I do. I'm glad she never took me. As I got older, she found natural supplements to help me focus and to help me filter through my thoughts at a slower pace. This morning I forgot to take them but I was able to focus on my conversation with Jay. I'm able to focus during a conversation only if it grabs my attention and if the person is interesting 😉. Other than that my thoughts run at the speed of lightening.  It's definitely a challenge but I've been taking a natural daily supplement to help me.

I finally made it home and I was ready to tidy up my place, complete my work and relax. I decided to start cleaning first and I started with my kitchen. I heard my phone beep. I looked at my phone and saw that it was Jay messaging me on Instagram.

Jay: Did you make it home safe?

I smiled because I thought that it was sweet of him to check on me.

Me: Yes, I made it home. Thank you for checking. Did you make it home?

Jay: No problem. Yes, I'm just now parking. Any plans for the rest of your day?

Me: Ok good. Glad you're safe. Umm not really much. I'm going to tidy up, finish up my lesson plans and find a movie to watch while I relax.

Jay: Oh ok. Sounds good. How did you feel about today?

Me: Which part? When I woke up this morning? lol

Jay: Ooohhh you got jokes I see. lol. Good one.

Me: It was a set up lol but no for real, I enjoyed catching up with you. It was probably needed.

While I was texting Jay, I finished cleaning and grabbed my work laptop to finish my lesson planning.

Jay: I think it was needed. Plus it had been years and I wanted to check on you.

Me: I see. I appreciate that and you're right it's been a while. I never thought I'd hear from you again.

Jay: Wow, why did you think that?

Me: Well because as soon as you found out your son was on the way, yall moved away. I mean I just knew you guys wouldn't break up.

Jay: That's another story for another day. The relationship wasn't meant to be but I definitely don't regret having my son. What has it been like for you over the years?

Me: I understand a relationship not being meant to be. I dodged a bullet myself. I believe that children are blessings. When it comes to what I've been through it over the years uummmm it's definitely a story that requires a little more time.

Jay: I feel you. I can make time for you. Would you be available next weekend?

I wasn't sure how to feel about that comment. Was I interested, unsure, or open to possibly going down memory lane? There was a delay in my response because I wasn't sure about what I wanted to say. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to find myself in close proximity with Jay. I still had not processed breakfast and what I felt in my gut that morning.

Is this guy really making me feel again?
Am I getting soft again?

15 minutes had gone by and I knew my answer...

Me: I..

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