Fast Car | Escapes #1

Chapter 19

"It's a good plan," I argued while we ate McDonald's on my bed as a random TV station played quietly in the background. "I don't see where there's anything wrong with it. I mean, we are staying at the hotel already."

"Yeah, but I'm paying for two rooms. I don't have endless money. I'm coming close to finding the end of it. We wouldn't have been able to keep staying here for too much longer." He shoved fries into his mouth. "Plus," he said once he'd swallowed most of them, "I feel like you're plan relies on using me and my degree to have money." 

I paused with my burger halfway to my mouth. He had me on that one. I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to find much with my experience and education. As it stood, I would be lost without a second income. The fact of the matter was that I needed to use him. "I can't deny that, but you would have help. It's not like I wouldn't work. I've learned the value of hard work. You're not going to be supporting me and you with just your income."

He gave me a long look before setting down his burger. "So you're talking about living together. I have to admit, I never saw that coming. You never struck me as the type to be that forward."

I blushed heavily. "I don't mean it that way. As something convenient, I meant. Honestly, I hadn't thought of anything else."

He gave me a gentle smile tinged with sadness. His hand wrapped around mine and his expression morphed into something serious. "Jen, you're the first person I've ever fallen for this hard. I don't know what I'm doing or what I should do. I just know that I feel like if I let you go now, I may never see you again."

My heart squeezed at his earnest words. What was I going to do with all of these emotions? I wanted to cry, but I knew that if I did that, he'd work his way deeper into my heart and I would go back to that place with him. This was the time to be strong - not the time to turn into mush. Was this love? I wasn't sure I liked it if it was.

He made a good point, though. If we both walked away from here, this moment, whatever was between us, then he probably wouldn't. I had no intention on ever going back to Rapid Falls unless I had to testify against my father. Which, I had to admit, would likely be the case. But I was the first person he'd fallen for? 

"I don't know what to do either," I admitted. "Maybe we should think more about it. Both of us."

"Do you know the first time I think I fell for you?" I shook my head. "It was during last summer." My eyes widened. That long? "You were trying to carry too much and refused to let anyone help you. I'd been watching you for a while at that point, but I think that was when I finally understood that you were doing your best to be independent. You didn't want to rely on help from other people, and to keep it that way, you did everything yourself. Did you know that your smiles never really touched your eyes either? The only time before this trip that it did was when you and I went to the prom together."

Did I really not give people genuine smiles? I gave it a moment of thought and realized he was probably right. "You should have spoken up then," I said, turning my head slightly away. 

He shook his head firmly. "You weren't ready. I wasn't either, quite frankly. I think we had some growing to do, and I want to keep growing with you by my side." His eyes were almost pleading with me. A finger gently turned my head to face him. "Will you?" His voice was so quiet, so gentle, that it was barely above a whisper. It sounded vulnerable.

Was love something that made you show those parts to your partner? I wasn't sure I wanted to let him see the tender spots just yet. Especially not right now. How did I tell him what I was thinking? "Brayden, I..." My voice trailed off. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I want to explore whatever this is, but I need you to accept something." I opened my eyes and pulled back, forcing him to drop his hand. "This is where I'm free."