Fast Car | Escapes #1

Chapter 20

There's something about tears that I have never understood until now. They have something of a cleansing effect. When I ran out of tears, I felt somehow refreshed. Brayden was still holding me, but neither of us cared when I stopped shaking. The moment felt right. I was content to feel someone bigger holding me in a protective embrace. 

"I should probably be going back to my room," he said a few minutes later. He nuzzled my hair and planted a light kiss amongst the strands. "We should both get some sleep. Tomorrow is our last day here in Denver."

I pushed back enough to look up at him. "I can't go back," I said quietly.

"I know." He gazed at me for a moment before looking away and sighing. "Is there anything I can do to get you to change your mind?"

"Not right now," I said quietly. "Maybe eventually."

He gave me a weak smile and gently kissed my lips once before removing himself from both me and my bed. "I'm going to my room."

I watched him gather his things and then leave, glancing back at me once before finally walking out the door. Once he was gone, I flopped back on my bed. My mind went back to the cheesy line I had quoted: parting is such sweet sorrow. Shakespeare sure knew his stuff.

---

I closed my suitcase. Lately, the action had gotten me excited - where to next? - but now I wanted to cry again. It didn't feel like the first time, like closing a chapter of my life and moving on to the next. No, this felt more like I was saying goodbye to something that I never should be. Even just zipping it shut sounded so final.

This was inevitable. I knew that. Nothing in my life lasted forever. I didn't expect us to last either. 

But was it so wrong to hope? To hope against reason that we were going to last?

I picked up the bag, feeling heavier than when I first left my apartment. There was more in it now so it wasn't a surprise. It had been gaining weight. My lips twitched at the thought, though it was far from a true smile. I sat it on the floor, the carpet cushioning the sound. 

There was a knock at my door. My heart lurched. I walked over and opened it. Brayden stood there with his own luggage in hand. "Ready?" he asked. I eyed the bags under his eyes that likely matched the ones I had. It seemed neither of us was able to sleep last night. Not when we knew what morning was bringing with it. 

Our last day together had been short and sweet. We'd walked around the whole day, holding hands and seeing some of the sights Denver had to offer, ending with a burger and fries in his room and a gentle goodnight kiss as I went back to mine. It was everything I could have asked for and then some. It was so sweet. 

Now, though, seeing him in front of me again, looking just as haggard as me, I asked myself why I was choosing to see my mom instead of following him back to Rapid Falls. 

"As I'll ever be, I suppose," I responded. "I've got everything packed up, at least."

"Want me to take it?" His voice was quiet and subdued. I knew how he felt. There was something about this conversation that made it feel like we had to be quiet otherwise it would become real somehow. 

I shook my head. "I've got it. Thank you." My hand slipped into my pocket and I handed him the room key. "Here. Before I forget about it."

"Thanks." He stared at it for a moment before slipping it into his own pocket. "I'll wait for you out here, then."

"Okay." It felt stiff and awkward, and it made my chest squeeze. I closed the door and walked through my room to make sure I had everything packed away. Once I was sure I did, I picked up the suitcase and walked to the door. Tossing a sad look over my shoulder, I took a deep breath. I couldn't let him see how sad I was over this. 

Sure that I'd schooled my features into something like indifference, I walked out the room. He was standing in the hallway. I silently walked up to him, and we walked to the elevators. I stood around while he turned in the keys and finished checking out. He rejoined me and we walked to his car. 

He consulted his phone and put it on a stand attached to his dashboard. "We're 20 minutes away from your mom's place," he said as he backed out of the spot. "Well, assuming traffic isn't bad."

Honestly, traffic didn't concern me in the least. If it meant that I had more time to spend with him, then I didn't care what the reason was. 

We drove along in the quiet atmosphere for a few minutes before I broke it. "What if she doesn't want me to stay with her?" I asked in a voice barely above a whisper. "She doesn't even know I'm coming."

Brayden glanced over at me before taking my hand in his. "Babe, I can't think of a single reason she wouldn't love you."

"But she's the one who left me with him."

"That's in the past, though. What if she's wanted to reach out to you all this time but couldn't? What if your father was blocking all contact with you?"

He had a point. One I suspected was true. Judging by the texts in my father's phone, she had wanted to see me these past two years, but he stopped her. I could only guess at why, but I had a strong feeling that it had to do with the fact I was working and he wouldn't. I still couldn't get the nagging worry to quiet down. "Hmm." I made a noncommittal noise and watched the landscape slide past. 

"You can still change your mind," he said quietly.

I closed my eyes. As much as I wanted to give in to him, I knew I wouldn't be able to do anything if I went back. I'd go right back to working long hours at that store, and I would have to go back to that apartment. He had mentioned the guest house at his place, but I would still have to deal with that apartment sooner or later, and I wanted nothing to do with it. 

Patterns of light and shadow played on my eyelids as we turned off onto a country road lined with trees. We were so close to my mom's house now that I could almost see her. I wondered if she looked the same. That brown hair with lifeless eyes always rimmed with red carrying their own baggage underneath. Her gaunt frame with curved shoulders that seemed to carry the weight of the world. 

I opened my eyes and watched the world slide by. A squeeze on my hand drew my attention to the driver's seat. Brayden glanced at me with a sad yet somehow comforting smile. The words 'I love you' felt like they were on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed them. It had been too short of a time to say those words. It would also make our parting that much harder if I said those to him now.

The GPS warned us that we were close. Within a minute, we were pulling up to a house I knew couldn't possibly be my mother's. It was large with two floors. It sprawled out into what I was sure would be a very large floor plan. To the side was a three-car garage. All the doors were closed, so I couldn't see if anyone was home. 

What if she wasn't here? I hadn't thought of that possibility. What if no one answered the door? Was it too early? Too late?

Brayden disentangled our fingers and put the  car into park. "Your mom seems like she's not doing too bad for herself," he said, looking at the house. "Do you want me to come to the door with you?"

I shook my head. This was something I needed to do on my own.  "Thank you, but I can do this." I took a deep breath and opened my door. If I didn't get it over with, I knew I was just going to make myself even more anxious. 

My footsteps sounded far more steady than I felt as I walked along the pathway to the door. Shakily, I pressed the doorbell and waited. A kid shouted somewhere in the depths of the home, followed by the bark of a dog. Skittering paws ran to the door and another loud, deep bark came through the wood. I took a step back, startled.

A woman's voice came through the door, telling the dog to hush. There was the clattering of the locks and then it swung open. On the other side was a woman. She had long brown hair and lively brown eyes. She looked energized and didn't look like she was carrying baggage. Her posture was straight and free of the weight of the world. 

Nothing about the woman in front of me was the same, yet, undeniably, the eyes welling up with tears and the face stretched out in shock was undeniably similar to mine. "Jenny?" she whisper shouted, seemingly unable to believe what was in front of her own eyes. 

"Hi, Mom," I said with a smile. "It's been a while."