My Thoughts My Growth My Mind: I'm Still Young

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞

Fragments of that thought of mine keeps me up almost every time, thinking "You wouldn't be like this if you didn't go through it." I know I wouldn't be the same if I didn't go through it, everything would probably be way different, my future would've been altered if even a small portion of my past was changed. I'd say I am proud of who and what I am right now, I've taken a shitload of advice from the people I know that may have caused an epiphany within me.

Yet I still think to this day, maybe things would be WAY better if I didn't go through the things I experienced, maybe I'd be in a better situation right now, not that I'm not in one but maybe something better than this. It's these thoughts that keep me up from time to time, also hindering my growth as a person, spiritually, it's fascinating and unbearing all at the same time that I had to experience things like betrayal, your brain altering its ideas and changing views and perspectives, your mind suddenly being cautious of the people you come by and suddenly getting older. When I was fourteen, I dealt with one of the stupidest situations that may have caused the altering of my mind and perspectives on who I get along with. I remember it being so clear that one of the closest people would actually dick me off and shut me out. It was the very first time I experienced betrayal, I was in fact clueless that I was experiencing betrayal during those times, I felt oblivious and unknown to my situation, I only realized it when someone told me I did. Betraying me over a guy that my friend and I liked back then, GOD this generation is just way too off.

That was also the very first time I began self-reflecting on the things I may come by, the very first time I received advice from my friends and the very first time I told myself to be more mindful of who you reach out to. I say that this was one of the bulk of a dense situation I've gone through cause that person never really clarified anything about her liking the same guy as me and she just cut me off in an instant, she could've said something, I can't read minds.

This was the first time I began growing, or becoming aware that I was growing, I was experiencing a change in my mind, my mindset to be more specific.

This was my epiphany, growth is not immediate, your growth as yourself may come in different ways, our growth in different ways, we grow in ways we know we'd least expect, in ways we definitely had no idea would come.

While writing this book, I'm still in the process of growing, I haven't exactly found who I am or what my mind is in set for, I'm still confused in the things I'm doing, in the career I'm choosing, everything and I know it's normal, I'll eventually come across the time where I'll have answers to what both my mind and my path wants, and I'm sure you will too.