SADNESS IN MY SOULS (self-care)

SLEEP PARALYSIS .

Not many knew.I had sleep paralysis.Back then in 2021,it was my very first time getting locked in my sleep.It all started when i was immersing myself in this topic & talking about it to my fellow friends in school.One could say that I'm just showing of my own side of sickness & others would think this is some sort of suggestions to attempt this kind of research.But I did, and so there I lay, muted,locked but wakeful,having a scream trapped in my lungs.

To me,Sleep paralysis is when you are awake and conscious, but you can't move your body nor open your eyes.The inability to move any parts of your body feels like there is a weight above you.It feels deadly shut because it can be accompanied by hallucinations.It is said that a wide variety of phenomena such as alien,abductions and hauntings like ghost could be the reasons why sleep paralysis occur.

Which is essentially how I came across the term. I wasn't just diving into obscure sleep research but while studying,i started immersing myself in the theme of this issue – possession, in the paranormal, something frightening,
"demonic sense."

After all, what else could be pressing me into the sheets of my cozy,white bed but a demon from hell? This wasn't the heatburn from the chest pressure after an expensive holiday meal. No, it was a wild, malicious entrapment & frightening thing ever.Something was holding me back, pinning me down.Locking every inch of my body.
Obviously,going through a face of my teenage years,my stress levels is always high.Like adolescence.

Particularly for young women like me.Quite a few famous titles in movies,dramas or even books.It always features female characters growing up and inadvertently getting possessed.Or being pinned down onto the bed,opening every inch of the eyes,massively big.

Sometimes in films,her hair would either be pulled back or a form of shadows would be drawn upon her sight.Something like a
( "first blood" imagery coming .)Or maybe even the historic demonization of women within church dogmas. (The nun).Oh gosh that's insane.

Reading a article/volunteering for a newsletter organisation i came a cross, I do know that adolescence is a complicated yet challenging process.Some really think it's like you're being taken over by a different person.Because you start to change.Almost like being possessed but indirectly.

Not that teenagers have a sense of freedom on losing their sense of identity.They are sometimes vulnerable.Think about the cultural resonance of the phrase "midlife crisis"—an event in which the sufferer is in danger of a complete personality change.

I've already had one of those.Not sure I need my night owl/demon to impel me to do anything more drastic at night.

Terrified,frightened,I tried to release the scream building up inside of me, but it came out as if someone chocked me really hard.Otherworldly,your personal demon could take the form of an abuse.Your personal curse might even be an object to you.

When I could finally—gasp!!—move again, I lay stunned,reciting some prayers.Realising whether this is really happening to me.
Of course,Sleep paralysis has probably occurred in everyone's sleep yet the experience didn't feel like something could be explained by science.

It may be explained supernaturally.This might have been what the Europeans called an incubus.What the muslims called a jinn.What the Norse called a mara and in other words for me,"pontianak" .

As I recalibrated my surroundings, I understood why ancients chose to believe in witchcraft or abductions. It felt evil, just like what i imagined.

In this issue, I have chosen a couple stories that make references to the religious trappings of possession.The story "munafik," by syamsul yusof,a malaysian actor & film director, describes how a men lost his wife & was always locked/dreamed in his sleep due to the roaming of his wife & the possession of his son.

Another story like "siccin" a turkey movie,has lots of things going on which led to a old lady pouring a big,hot pot of soup towards herself by just being possessed.

If you are seeking a science fiction version, lLora Gray's story,"The Pieces of Her," in which a cyborg is in possession of both a dead woman's body and the mind of its AI creator.

Finally, what possession issue wouldn't be complete without a story about my great grandmother being possessed at home? Isn't weird & scary to see how she roam around in the house without having her feet on the ground?

That's right,I we'll be sharing this story on another occasion or even share it in various social media platforms.With that, Thank you for reading!

p.s.: This is something i vent that may occur in your sleep.And i hope to those out there who has sleep paralysis like me/can't sleep,do seek help/recite some prayers.