Far Away

Life

"Beep! Beep! Beep!"
The sound of the alarm can be heard all across Valerie's empty and cold apartment as she slowly turns around to turn it off, murmuring among her sleepiness about how she wants to quit her job, and about how she hasn't slept all night again. She turns around one more time, facing the wall as she feels the breeze from the broken window beside her bed that she still hasn't got it fixed for more than a month now. She slowly gets up, opening one eye and pulled the curtain to the side revealing the dark snowy weather outside. "Crap" she murmurs again and checks the time. "6:20 am" She is going to be late again but that doesn't seem to bother her much. Nothing seems to bother her, after she got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and depression when she was just 15 years old. Her parents kicking her out at 16 didn't help much either. She was used to being alone, surviving and feeling empty all the time. The only thing in the world that filled her void was Sam. Her childhood love that didn't last very long since he said his last goodbye to her at age 18 and went to a different state for medical studies. "I want to be a hero" he always used to answer when people asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. Valerie was always proud of him and she was happy that he got to live his dreams even if that meant leaving her behind. That being said, she never got over him. Never stopped thinking about him. Not a single day. "When we grow up I will marry you. No matter where you are, no matter where I am, I'll find you and be with you" That's what he told her a couple days before leaving, on a rainy day under a bus stop and she hasn't forgotten those words since. She still has hope, even tho they don't talk anymore. Even tho that Sam has cut contact with everyone he knew in the city besides his relatives. In that same bus stop today, Valerie was waiting to get the same bus, to go to that same job, to hear the same things from her coworkers and boss, do the same chores until she gets off to go home and sleep again. And the same cycle goes tomorrow, and the day after, and the week after... Groundhog Day, that's what life was for Valerie now. She was used to it. She didn't have any friends anymore. Where would she find the money or the energy to go out? So she spent her free time sleeping and when she wasn't doing that, she would read a book or listen to some music. That was her only source of entertainment. So now here she goes waiting for the bus, wearing a big warm jacket and holding a bag with her job's uniform. It was barely sunrise and she was watching the little snowflakes doing their little dance until they reached the ground. She could barely feel her hands from the cold and when the bus finally arrived to her stop she quickly went in, and found a seat near the back infront of a man that looked to be in his forties that was sleeping and stinking of alcohol. She had no idea how long that guy was in the bus but she didn't care enough to find out. These things were common on her morning trips. She started to move her fingers a bit, the warmth of the bus slowly starting to get to her, allowing her blood to circulate correctly. The trip to her job was not very far away. It was only a 20 minute ride with traffic being rare from the route that the bus was taking. Although Valerie wished for it to be longer. She used to love long car or train rides since she was a kid. She was using it as an escape mechanism when things at her house were getting wild. She used to take any bus and any train she could find and just stared out of the window with her headphones and waited to reach its final destination where she would take it back home. Sometimes she would even do that 2 and 3 times until she was sure that her house was not a dangerous place anymore. She didn't want to have to get glass shards out of her arm like the last time that her father threw a beer bottle at her mother which hit the cabinet next to Valerie, causing her to spend 2 hours trying to get them out. She didn't want to live anything like that again. She didn't try to be a hero again after that. She wasn't that kid anymore that tried to stop daddy from harming mommy. The kid that had to face the consequences of two people making the wrong choices. When she started going on her bus and train rides, she was old enough to realise that her mother was suffering from some kind of a syndrome as well and it was her choice for not breaking up with him. Her mother had a stable job and her own house and she could easily take the kids and get the hell out of there but she didn't. And that made life a living hell for all of them. Valerie shook her head slightly as if that would shake the bad memories from her as she was wishing once more for a longer bus ride not having any energy to work today again. She didn't really like the job she was doing. She worked as a waitress in a restaurant at the main town and she isn't bothered as much by the exhaustion or the grumpy boss that speaks to his workers as if they were machines. She isn't even bothered that much by her coworker Dave, that always flirted with her at any given moment, even tho she had politely rejected him multiple times. Dave was bareable enough only because he used to be a friend of Sam when he was still in town, so she thought that Dave was something that connected her to Sam. Bring him closer to her in a way. The thing that bothers her the most of all though is people. Complaints, yelling, commanding and more specifically crowds. Crowds make Valerie stressed. She feels her chest being heavy and she can't work properly when there's a lot of people. The pay wasn't that good either but it was just what she needed to survive. She gets up from her seat, presses the big red button that says "STOP" and goes off to her stop. As the doors open she once again feels this cold coming to hit her like a slap in the face. She exhales and rushes to work both because of the cold and because she is late. Things at work were pretty slow today. Boss that was grumpy and complaining, Dave's useless flirting, some plates that were screaming to be cleaned and a couple of customers waiting for their food. "Well, seems like I have a quiet day for once" she thought to herself while she tried to remove a broccoli stain from a plate that it seemed as if it was glued on. "Here let me handle this" Dave approached her and she Nodded and left him to it. Dave, except from being Sam's old friend, was a good guy. He was funny and good looking and he often helped Valerie with the chores she had to do in the restaurant. She wanted to have him around. Even as far as have him as a friend but he had something else in mind. His continuous flirt made Valerie keep her distance from him because she knew that she wasn't in a position to start a new relationship, even worse keep it. Maybe if she was sane she would give it a go but there was no way for her to do such thing now. She was resting her back on a counter in the kitchen as she watched Dave fight the broccoli stain and she crossed her hands half smiling. Dave turns around to face her and smiles at her, thinking that she smiled for him and he gave her a playful wink.Valerie rolled her eyes as she went out of the kitchen to serve a pizza to an old couple. The clock showed that it was 4 pm and it was time for her to clock off. She didn't feel relief or happiness that she would finally go home. Her only thought was that she would finally get some rest. She was tired of doing the same things over and over. "Perhaps I do something different today" she thought to herself while she changed from her uniform to her warm clothes and headed outside.