Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: Rewrite

ACT ONE, SCENE ELEVEN

ROOF OF THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS 

The wind whistles from all angles and it's a fierce wind at that. 

OLIVIA: Okay, now we're on the roof of a train, it's fast, it's scary, this has been great, I feel like I'velearnt a lot about me, something about you, but — 

ALBUS: As I calculate it we should be approaching the viaduct soon and then it'll be a short hike to St.Oswald's Home for Old Witches and Wizards . . . 

OLIVIA: The what? The where? Look, I am as excited as you are to be a rebel for the first time in my life— yay — train roof — fun — but now — oh. 

OLIVIA sees something she doesn't want to see. 

ALBUS: The water will be an extremely useful backup if our Cushioning Charm doesn't work. 

OLIVIA: Albus. The Trolley Witch. 

ALBUS: You want a snack for the journey? 

OLIVIA: No. Albus. The Trolley Witch is coming towards us.

ALBUS: No, she can't be, we're on top of the train . . . 

OLIVIA points ALBUS in the right direction, and now he can see the TROLLEY WITCH, whoapproaches nonchalantly, pushing her trolley. 

TROLLEY WITCH: Anything from the trolley, dears? Pumpkin Pasty? Chocolate Frog? Cauldron Cake? 

ALBUS: Oh. 

TROLLEY WITCH: People don't know much about me. They buy my Cauldron Cakes — but they never reallynotice me. I don't remember the last time someone asked my name. 

ALBUS: What is your name? 

TROLLEY WITCH: I've forgotten. All I can tell you is that when the Hogwarts Express first came to be —Ottaline Gambol herself offered me this job . . . 

OLIVIA: That's — one hundred and ninety years. You've been doing this job for one hundred and ninetyyears? 

TROLLEY WITCH: These hands have made over six million Pumpkin Pasties. I've got quite good at them. Butwhat people haven't noticed about my Pumpkin Pasties is how easily they transform into somethingelse . . .She picks up a Pumpkin Pasty. She throws it like a grenade. It explodes.And you won't believe what I can do with my Chocolate Frogs. Never — never — have I let anyoneoff this train before they reached their destination. Some have tried — Sirius Black and his cronies,Fred and George Weasley. ALL HAVE FAILED. BECAUSE THIS TRAIN — IT DOESN'T LIKEPEOPLE GETTING OFF IT . . . 

The TROLLEY WITCH's hands transfigure into very sharp spikes. She smiles. 

So please retake your seats for the remainder of the journey. 

ALBUS: You were right, Liv. This train is magical. 

OLIVIA: At this precise moment in time, I take no pleasure in being right.

ALBUS: But I was also right — about the viaduct — that's water down there, time to try the CushioningCharm. 

OLIVIA: Albus, this is a bad idea. 

ALBUS: Is it? (He has a moment's hesitation, then realizes the time for hesitation has passed.) Too latenow. Three. Two. One. 

Molliare! 

He incants as he jumps. 

OLIVIA: Albus . . . Albus . . . 

She looks down desperately after her friend. She looks at the approaching TROLLEY WITCH. Her hairwild. Her spikes particularly spiky. 

Well, as fun as you clearly look, I have to go after my friend. 

She pinches her nose, she jumps after ALBUS, incanting as she goes. 

Molliare!