Eight Intertwined

176 - Donovan

Ophilia hated being paranoid. 

As a child in Creek, Ophilia had little knowledge of fear or what it could do to a person. She hadn't ever needed to know. The world around her was a happy, bright place, and Ophilia was happy too. She had been safe as long as she was with her family, and she could have asked for nothing better. The world had seemed so small back then, but Ophilia loved her little corner of Orsterra, and she would have been content to spend the rest of her days there. 

When the war began and Creek was destroyed, fear rushed in to greet Ophilia bitterly quickly. Even though Aelfric had saved her life from the forces of Quarrycrest, Ophilia's fear remained. She was paranoid throughout the entire journey back to Flamesgrace, and even when she settled in with Josef and Lianna, that terror would not be defeated. Grief was a powerful thing, and it gladly fueled every other horrible emotion Ophilia had never known before Creek collapsed. It wasn't just grief that had consumed Ophilia when she was taken in by Josef; it was fear too, and if not for Lianna, she never would have overcome that terror. She never would have found the strength to step out into the world again without Lianna's help, and Ophilia could never thank her enough for it. 

As Ophilia got older, she learned that fear was everywhere, but she had learned to live with it. Coping with fear as an adult was much easier because she knew how to handle her emotions. There was much more to be afraid of when she knew of the full range of horrors the world could provide, but Ophilia was willing to face them. As long as she remained in touch with herself, she would endure. She was certain of it. 

Now though, Ophilia's fear refused to leave her be, and she was trying desperately to rein it back in. She knew why she was nervous, but that did nothing to help her feel better. She was terrified of having to break the truth to the rest of the travelers. Winnehild had spoken of their divine duty as a team, but Ophilia wasn't ready to face it. She would have to leave the rest of the group behind until the time came for them to step into the shoes of their grander destinies, and in doing so, Ophilia would miss out on so much. There was no way for her to put to words just how afraid she was of losing them even though she knew she had no choice. She didn't know if her fear had truly gotten easier to deal with or if she had simply learned how to hide it better. Maybe it was a bit of both. 

Ophilia should have been focused on the Kindling. It was her religious duty, and she couldn't forget it just because she had other concerns in her mind. Even so, she couldn't bring herself to concentrate on the road ahead for long before her anxieties got the better of her. Seeing Mattias again should have been nice, but instead, Ophilia just found herself searching for something to be scared of while talking to him. She had thought he was a bit strange when they first met, but she had ultimately shrugged that concern off. Now, Ophilia was remembering just how bizarre it was for a regular merchant to be dressed in such elaborate clothing, and she was especially thinking about how odd it was for Mattias to just so happen to cross her path now. Ophilia hadn't seen him in months, but there he was. Realistically, she knew she was just paranoid and anxious about everything else on her mind, but that wasn't enough to calm her down. She was just afraid, and she hated it. 

Apparently, Ophilia wasn't the only one who found Mattias' sudden introduction odd. None of the travelers had asked about him openly--at least not yet--but Ophilia could feel their questioning gazes following her everywhere. She hadn't talked about Mattias with any of them when explaining the opening steps of her adventure because she had admittedly forgotten about him too. Now, everyone was curious about this strange man who Ophilia knew but had never mentioned to any of them. Even if they didn't say it, Ophilia knew what they were thinking, and she had no idea how to respond to it. 

H'aanit was the one to find the strength first, and she looked over at Ophilia after falling into pace at her side. "I wolde knowen more of this man to whom thou spokest earlier," H'aanit said. As per usual, H'aanit wasn't one to beat around the bush. If a difficult subject needed addressing, then H'aanit would handle it as soon as she knew what she was up against. Her honesty was refreshing, though Ophilia found it a bit terrifying now. She didn't know what she would do if someone tried to unravel the truth of her planning to leave before she was ready to share it.