Soul Ties

one

September. The last of the warm weather was just beginning to let up, but we still had a few days of warm weather balanced with the cool and rainy days to satisfy everyone's weather preferences. I've always been more of a cool weather person myself so my time of the year was just beginning. Time hadn't changed back just yet, so it was still pretty dark out even at 6:30 as I shuffled in my 5-year-old's bedroom to get her ready for school. "Kynli, it's time to get up... Come on, baby. We gotta get you ready."

Words were almost nonexistent in the early morning in this household. I gave Kynli minimal instruction so I could get her situated and prepared for her day. She wasn't a morning person at all, and even at 5 she'd let me know in not-so-many words that she'd rather not have to be awake and speaking before the sun made its appearance for the day. And I was fine with that. After cleaning her up from the previous night's hibernation and getting her well-dressed and presentable, we made our way to the living room to get our ducks in a row before heading out of the house for school.

After waiting in the dropoff line for a few moments it was our time, and Kynli was on her way to class. The ride back home always felt longer without her, and it took me a while to realize it was because without her I felt so alone. But I wasn't. And that was the saddest part about the situation.

Andre and I met during my junior year of high school. He was new to the area and I was born and raised in Georgia. He was from Virginia. His dad landed a tech job and moved his entire family to Atlanta one summer against Andre's wishes, of course. He hated Atlanta and wanted nothing more than to be back in Virginia with his family and friends he'd been forced to leave behind. When I met him he was so angry. I promise I'm not overreacting either. He was insanely mean to any and every one outside of school staff, so naturally, we all avoided him at all costs. I ended up having the same English class he did, and one semester we were randomly grouped for an assignment and everything took off from there.

Now, I say the grouping was "random," but in all honesty, I knew we were only paired together because I was the youngest one in the class (I was the only junior), and he was new and no one wanted to deal with his smart ass mouth knowing their grade was on the line. Being a junior meant that I still had another year anyway, and if we bombed the project because of his unruliness it wouldn't harm me too much in the end because I could just retake the course the following year.

If I can let you know anything about myself right now, I won't fail. I didn't care if it ran me crazy, I made it my mission to get Andre to get his shit together because I wasn't failing the course which in turn meant he wasn't failing the course even if he didn't give a shit about it. I did. And whatever Bree sets her mind to, she does. Well, she did. Now I'm here wondering where the hell I went wrong because this isn't the life I imagined for myself. Instead, the life I'm living now is so far from what I thought my ideal would be.

Things haven't always been "bad" with Andre. We've had so many good times during our 10+ year relationship, including marriage and a beautiful baby girl. I thought we survived the rough patch marriage can sometimes go through that I was thoroughly warned about by my parents and grandparents. Unfortunately, though, I see now it wasn't what I thought it was.

Despite being pissed with his actions, Andre decided to take up tech like his father did and has an amazing job at Google as a developer in the city. He'd always loved computers and tech anyway, and his father had him learning to code by age 10 just because they spent so much time together. Andre's long-lasting career provided an amazingly beautiful life that I am so, so grateful for. It's one of the main reasons I've tried everything in my power to make our relationship work out in the long run, but it's at the point now where I wonder if it's even worth it.