Fifty Shade Forever

In the end, all secrets are stripped until they are naked

We choose to just drive. Pheobe falls into sleep almost immediately as the car starts driving, while Theo whimpers and cries while I reach back to stroke his leg until he too falls asleep.

"Trouble with an ex?" Abi says gently. 

"It's a bit more complicated than that," I mutter, abruptly guarded. 

"I've got time," Abi says kindly and takes a long sip of the coffee we picked up. 

"She's an ex, from years back. She and Christian were supposed to be married and then I entered his life with the children, the engagement got stalled, then everyone moved in, he kicked her out and she came back." I shrug. 

There, that didn't give too much away. 

"Gosh, honey."

"She had a gun." 

"What in God's green!" 

"She didn't threaten anyone with it. I think she meant to harm herself. But that's why I was so worried about you. I didn't know if you were in the apartment." 

"I see. She sounds unstable." 

"Yes, she is." 

"And what's Christian doing with her now?" 

The blood drains from my face and bile rises in my throat. "I don't know," I whisper. 

Abi's eyes widen—at last she's got it. This is the crux of my problem. What the fuck are they doing? Talking, I hope. Just talking. Yet all I can see in my mind's eye is his hand, tenderly stroking her hair. She's disturbed and Christian cares about her, that's all this is, I rationalize. 

But in the back of my mind, my subconscious is shaking her head sadly. It's more than that. Leila was able to fulfil his needs in a way I cannot. The thought is depressing. I try to focus on all we've done in the last few days—his declaration of love, his flirty humour, his playfulness.

But Elena's words keep coming back to taunt me. It's true what they say about eavesdroppers. Don't you miss it . . . your playroom? 

I finish my coffee in record time, and Abi places her in my cup holder. I am not much of a companion, but to her credit she stays with me, chatting, trying to lift my spirits, talking about the holiday, and my getting to see the infamous Kate and Elliot soon, which is wonderfully distracting. 

But it's just that—a distraction. My mind, my heart, and my soul are all still in that apartment with my Fifty Shades and the woman who used to be his submissive. A woman who thinks she still loves him. A woman who looks like me. During our second coffee, I get a new security notification on my phone and watch as a large cruiser with heavily tinted windows pulls up next to the car I recognize Dr Flynn as he climbs out, accompanied by a woman dressed in what looks like pale blue scrubs. 

I glimpse harder at the little Taylor on my phone as he lets them in through the front door. 

"Who's that?" Abi asks looking momentarily at my phone while she drives. 

"His name's Dr. Flynn. Christian knows him." 

"What kind of doctor?" 

"A shrink." 

"Oh." 

She pulled over for a moment and we both watched and a few minutes later they were back. Christian is carrying Yasmine who is wrapped in a blanket. What? I watch horrified as they all climb into the cruiser, and it speeds away. Abi glances at me sympathetically, and I feel desolate, completely desolate. 

"Stop at a bar. I need something stronger." I tell Abi, my voice small. 

She decides to wait in the car with the children while I head into what looks like a low-key sports bar. We have driven quite far from the city centre now, and the area is completely unbeknownst to me.