The Love Receipt (English)

Chapter 11

It's been 40 minutes since I left the shop, and, indeed, I am leaving without Steven.

I can't ask him to do this for me; we're not even friends. We never were. He's just my ex-classmate. I can't ask him to close his family's shop and drive 15 hours to another state just to talk to my brother and bring him home. That's not going to happen.

I've packed a bunch of clothes, stuffed them into my old backpack, and grabbed some money and my credit cards, just in case I need to stay in a hotel. Given the circumstances, it's a distinct possibility. I'm definitely not planning to sleep in the car, especially if I am going alone.

Descending to the kitchen, I grab a bottle of water and slide it into my backpack. I'm going to need to buy more once I see a gas station, but this will last me a few hours. As I'm zipping it up into muy bag, there's a knock on the door. I freeze, startled by the unexpected sound. Who could it be? Steven, perhaps? He might have come by earlier, anticipating my desire to set out alone.

Or Liam. Please let it be Liam, so I don't have to drive 15 hours to pick him up in Minnesota.

Opening the door cautiously, I find Steven standing there, a concerned expression on his face.

"You were about to leave, right?"

I do not say anything. Obviously yes; I have a travel backpack on my back and the engine of my car is running on the sidewalk, waiting to be loaded and driven 15 hours to another state.

"I am going to be fine," I say, closing the door of my house behind me and putting the keys on my backpack.

"Jessica, I can't let you go alone," he says, determination gleaming in his eyes. "I know we're not so close anymore, but I can't shake the feeling that you shouldn't face this alone. Besides, Aaron can handle the shop for a while."

This boy is so sweet that I could eat him right now if it weren't for the fact that he is very different from the Steven I knew for so many years. Maybe this version of him is cute but there is a demon inside him, I know it.

I'm heading to the car, but something else catches my attention. A sleek blue SUV parked behind my weathered old Kia.

"I don't mean to sound rude, but your Kia looks a little bit... old." he smiles and then points at the SUV, "Maybe we can drive mine?"

I nod, genuinely surprised.

"Yours?" I point at the sleek blue Amarok, a far cry from my modest Kia. "You drive that?"

"Yeah, it's a recent upgrade," he chuckles, "Thought we could use a more reliable ride for the journey. Plus, it's more comfortable for long trips."

"Steven, you really don't have to do this. I'll be fine on my own," I appreciate the gesture, but guilt tugs at me.

"I know you can handle it, but I don't want you to face this alone,' he says, and his expression softens, "Let me help you, at least with the drive". There's a sincerity in his eyes that's hard to ignore. Maybe it's the right choice. This is what I wanted, right? Him to insist. Him to come with me.

"Okay, but only if you promise not to regret this later."

"No regrets, Jess." He smiles.

As we load our bags into the spacious SUV, a mix of emotions swirl within me. I am bringing Liam home. I am doing something.

I jump (literally jump) into the car and Steves turns the engine on. He looks at me and then grabs the wheel with both hands without taking his green eyes from me.

"Are we really doing this?"

"We are"

"I am sorry but... Fuck brothers" he murmurs and I burst into laughter.

* * * * *

"That will be sixteen," the cashier monotones, pointing to the bottles of water I've placed on the counter. I hand her a twenty-dollar bill, and as I wait for the change, I catch a glimpse of the sleek blue SUV parked by the gas station. My thoughts immediately drift to the past two hours; Steven has been behind the wheel the entire time. He says he doesn't want me to have 'one eye on the road and one on Liam's ghost,' but I think he just doesn't want me to drive his Amarok.

As I step out of the store, I spot him filling up the tank with diesel. We are the only ones in the gas station, but even if it were full, I think, at this moment, he would be the only one for my eyes to see; his arm muscles flexing, his left hand on his hip, brown curls falling over his face. I find myself staring at him for a long while until he raises his hand and urges me to go towards him. And for a moment, I question the whole situation. Liam is missing, and here I am getting distracted by Steven's physique. It's not the time for crushes. I need to clear my head.

"Do you want to go to the bath?" I ask him, as I approach him, interrupting whatever he wanted to tell me. He shakes his head and enters the car. "It's half past five; we should keep driving until nine, have something to eat, and find a motel." Hell no. I am not going to sleep in the same motel room as this man; I almost started drooling watching him fill a damn tank of diesel, I can't imagine having him next to me for much longer.

"A motel? Why? We can just drive all night, can't we?" He looks at me, narrowing his eyes, and for a moment I think he's going to tell me to go to hell and close the door of the SUV (which I haven't gotten into yet) leaving me in the middle of nowhere. But he just laughs to himself and puts on his belt.

"I can't drive all night, and do not worry, I'll ask for two rooms if you don't want to see my face any longer."

"I can drive." I jump into the car, handing him the water bottles (which end up between his legs), and I close the door. I put the belt on and I take one of the water bottles from him. Did I just rub my fingers down his pants? Jesus, please tell me I didn't...

"No, you can't."

"I can."

"No."

"Yes."

"No, Jessicat."

"Yes, CleverSteven."

He laughs, and then I punch his side, which makes him laugh more and more, and we are laughing and punching each other like we are 15 again. Not searching for my disappeared brother, not about to drive for more than 13 hours, or not carrying a lot of shit on our shoulders. We are 15 inside our heads, and we are in high school, punching our sides in the middle of the laboratory because we always had to sit together, and Steven always took up too much space. We're 15, and we grumble at each other, but the next year, we're 16, and we're still sitting in the same damn seat. We are 17, and we don't go to the lab anymore, but whenever there is a free space in Algebra next to me, Steven sits down and smiles evilly at me. We're 18, and it's our graduation day, and he asks me to dance with him, and then...

Someone honks suddenly, tearing away my thoughts. Steven looks in the rearview mirror, raises a hand, and starts the car engine. 

We're on the road again, and we're 27.