I sometimes feel weird,I don't want to sound strange, but it's like I don't share the same emotions as other human beings such as myself, I was never taught what love was, I've seen plenty of couples, my parents,friends,family members,or even people from the outside, I've even read about couple and how they either have a happy ending or a sad ending, obviously I'd be happy if there was a happy ending and a bit sad if there's a bad one,nobody deserves to be taken away from who they consider close, I would understand it too if the same thing happened to me and anybody I was close with, but I never really got the concept of love, I get that you can love anybody,not only your lover,but what's so special about having a partner? I often confuse myself and don't understand what's so special about it,it's just a person who sticks around with you until you die,you get married,make love,have kids,and age together until you die, but what's so special in that person that somebody like your friend doesn't have, yes,you can talk freely with that person,but can't you also do that with your friends? to me it's very confusing, even physical touch,it's confusing,I see a lot of people who are comfortable with physical touch,I often don't mind it if it comes from someone I know,but personally I never was a huge fan of it,maybe because I grew up not receiving much of it? I did try date someone to see how it was, but I didn't get what was so special in all that stuff couples do, kissing,hugging and cuddling,spending time together they just feel weird to me, telling that person you love them, but why only them? why not tell everyone you love them that? What's so special about that person that they receive special treatment and have to be reminded of that,are they a kid and they lose their memory after 5 seconds? I don't see it, I don't see what's so special in dating someone,you can do all of that with a friend if people normalized this.
A lover is someone you pick and decide to spend the rest of your life with until you grow old and die
I believe that the only place I feel at peace is in my dreams, even the bad ones, I'm in my own world and I'm enjoying it,most of the times,even when I do have a bad dream and wake up early I'd go back to sleep,even if it meant having the same dream, I'd still enjoy it rather than having to wake up, stretching,brushing my teeth,washing my face,eating breakfast. Since there are a lot of people in my dreams, I wouldn't mind talking to them instead of people I know,some of them don't even answer me back,I don't know what they're thinking,they might even hate me for all I know,but it's different in my dreams,they are not real and they cannot think, besides they all have unique personalities and they each have their own role, even in different dreams, my dreams are very unique so you can never expect what happens in them,perhaps in one I'll be running away from a dimension to another while avoiding to be killed while in the other I would go to the beach,riding my friend as she turned into a fish,then run away from people who are seeking to kill me, or another dream where I was dating a millionaire and his fiance kidnapped me and ended up getting along with me and then I anxiously walk my way home hoping there wouldn't be anybody coming to kill me...huh. There's a lot of dreams I have had where I'm killed or almost killed. I never realized that. But hey! they's just dreams,they're not real.
I myself could believe that I have gone mad if somebody has told me that. I would probably agree with them and move on. But then again I'd rather be delusional by myself rather than telling anybody from the outside how I feel. Who knows where I could land
