Metanoia | SatoSere ✓ | under editing

016 | raison d'être

SERENA

Ash puffed a breath of air. Sweat trickled down his flushed face as he turned to look at the honey blonde who lagged far behind, huffing and puffing her way to the top.

"Hurry up, Slowpoke" He laughed as she paused to catch her breath, rolling her eyes at the raven haired man. Her lips curled up a tiny snarl.

"I-I am trying" She forced out the words, stuttering as she felt that agreeing to climb two hundred steps was a very, very bad choice. But here she was, with just ten more steps left. She couldn't back down now.

At last, with a violent effort, she managed to reach to the top and stand beside Ash, her hands on her knees. "I swear, I am never exercising ever again."

Ash laughed at her determined expression. He plopped down on the ground, patting at the space beside him. "Sit here, Sere."

A faint redness dusted her cheeks at her nickname. She sat down behind him, hugging her knees and peering up at the constellations of stars that twinkled in the night sky. Somehow the night felt more beautiful.

She wondered if Ash felt the same. She glanced at him. Ash was looking at the sky, his expression clouded with something she hadn't seen before. Was he mesmerized? Or, was he sad?

"Ash?" She muttered softly, her voice carried away by the breeze of night and calls of the crickets singing faintly in the background.

Ash broke out of his daydream, smiling at her. He looked as if he had never been sad in the first place. But Serena had been there too many times to be fooled. "Yes?"

"What are you thinking?" She prodded gently. She fiddled with a strand of her hair, twirling it within her fingers as she avoided his gaze. "You look sad."

Ash stared at her. He hadn't meant to show his emotions. But he had subconsciously found himself reminiscing a memory from years ago. He rarely talked about his past because he loathed the thought of remembering the pain he felt.

"I used to go rock climbing with my father in my childhood" He said, looking away from her. A baffled look spread over Serena's face. She hadn't met Ash's family yet, with the exception of his cousin Leaf. He never talked about them either.

"Your father . . .?"

"He is dead" Ash replied, unwavering. His eyes didn't elude any sadness, emotions flickering in them dying within a second. Serena's breath hitched in her throat. "He committed suicide."

"I am sorry" She said, feeling a pang of hurt in her heart. Ash shrugged as if he had accepted his father's death and moved on a long time ago.

"It happened years ago, so it doesn't hurt much" He leaned back. "My mother was traumatized when it happened. And while my brother and I missed him, we were too young to realise what had happened."

"Mom worked day and night to pull the business back above the waters. I rarely saw her in my childhood, heck, I couldn't even see her during weekends and holidays. And it hurted when other children in school would make fun of me when no one would show up for my PTM or functions."

"One time when I was in fourth grade I had the play of Animal Farm in my school and I got to become Snowball" Ash gave a sad laugh. "I made Mom promise that she would attend and in return, I would get full marks in my maths test."

"She didn't show up, did she?" Serena guessed, her heart aching. She pulled her knees to her chest. She could imagine a nine-year old Ash searching the crowds, waiting for his mother to come.

"Nope" Ash shook his head. "She didn't show up on that day but I still got full marks in my maths test."

"I guess that is when I started hating her" Ash admitted. "I mean, I wouldn't say I hated my mother but I can't find any other word to describe how I felt. And our relationship soured greatly over the years."

"But five years ago when my brother went away to God-knows-where and I was forced to take over the company in his stead, I realised how hard it was for her as a single Mom" He smiled. "We are good now. Maybe even better than we ever were."

"I am glad" Serena smiled. Then she racked her brain, a piece of information floating in her head. "But did you say you had a brother?"

"Yeah, older brother" Ash shrugged. "His name was Calem."

Instantly, Serena froze as she remembered. She knew the name. She knew who he was. Calem. The man she met. The man who was Ash's brother.

"Serena?" Ash asked, pulling her out of her trance.

"Y-yeah?" She stammered, trying to regain her composure. Should she tell him that his brother was not God-knows-where but in France itself? Should she tell that she had his number with her? But how should she start?

"Thanks for listening to me, Sere" He smiled sweetly. Serena felt her heart pop out of her chest and her tangled thoughts disappearing in thin air.

"Don't smile. It's not good for my heart's health" She mumbled. She looked up, her blue eyes meeting his auburn ones and her breath hitched in her throat.

He was staring at her. Like she was the most beautiful in the world, like nothing but her mattered and nothing, but her, was important. Nobody had looked at her like that. Serena swallowed. If it was an illusion, she was trapped.

He leaned closer, his hand keeping him steady and his eyes not swaying an inch away from her. He slowly opened his mouth, his lips moving as he spoke. "I —"

Kaboom.

Serena gave a startled yelp, jumping back as the fireworks exploded in the night sky.

"Looks like the fireworks show has started. Looks beautiful" Ash remarked. She sneaked a glance at him. He was looking at the fireworks and not at her. Her heart dropped.

But then she remembered the moment seconds ago and heat rushed to her face. Their closeness, the proximity, his warmth; she buried her  face in her hands, lifting her head slightly to watch the colorful fireworks illuminating the Hawaiian sky.

But she couldn't forget as the moment kept replaying in her head. It felt like he was going to kiss her. But that wasn't the problem. The problem was that —

"I wanted him to kiss me too" She whispered to herself.