Love To Madness

[04. Freedom is an illusion]

During this period in cell, Singto only met with P'Jane since his dad underwent knee surgery and couldn't come often. Singto instructs Jane about his savings for his father so he could live comfortably, although his father himself had retirement money. Still being a responsible son, Singto does his duty eventhough slowly he ran out of funds, but he makes sure that his dad is being treated in the best hospital with the best services. He also requested Jane not to tell his father or anyone else about his financial situation.

His belief is that after he's released, he will manage to get a job and cover everything for himself, so he tells Jane to use up all of his existing funds for his father.

Krist came lots of times to meet him, but Singto always refused. Thus defeated, Krist leaves the food from his owned restaurants, clothes, and other items to the prison guard for his senior. Singto doesn't even wish to see his face, but true to his words, Krist looked for good lawyers and consulted with many people to reduce Singto's sentence. Krist had a lot of connections, which came handy, and Singto's sentence was reduced to only two years.

Singto was sick and going crazy with the loneliness in the prison, everyday same routine... wake up in the dingy small room, do nothing, get bullied by other prisoners from time to time while lining up for breakfast and lunch. He only looked forward to the knitting job they were given. He had started to like making beautiful patterns with wool.

After about two months, no one bothered him anymore. Rather, he was shifted to a special unit (which had more thick mattress than the previous one, bit bigger, and cleaner). Singto hears the prison guards gossiping with each other and gets to know this was done by the fair and tall actor (Krist) after he comes to know about people bullying singto. But Singto's face only held indifference. No one knows if what he feels.

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After two long years, it was the day singto was released.. he took his items in a bag from the prison guard, changed into normal clothes, and walked out from the dark gloomy building. But outside weather in Thailand was just as gloomier. Dark clouds clusters here and there, vehicles ran as fast as they could to reach their destination and escape the rain.

After he crossed the big prison gates, Singto stood there for a while... unconsciously expecting at least one person... maybe a friend? Or a relative? Just anyone to be waiting for him, to be excited to see him getting released, to receive him outside. But there was no one. And it saddened him a little that no one came for him... that no one really cared for him. Singto smiled and tucked away those thoughts. He's wearing skinny black jeans and an oversized black full shirt, and he played with the silver bangles in his hand while strolling forward in the windy weather that made his black top clutch on his body. He felt lost with no direction, scared, and unsure about his next step. He was like the spec of dust that flowed in whichever direction the wind took it.

While looking forward to crossing the road, Singto's eyes accidentally fell on the big posters, where there was the familiar bright smile of the younger man greeting him. Singto felt a sting in his chest. He was really bitter and nostalgic, remembering his glorious fame filled rich past and his equally dark unknown future. That smile... was haunting Singto, this man was responsible for all of it, his blank future, his broken form, his hopelessness in life, his will to die. But he can't. He must live for his dad, who was still being treated and loved him more than anything.

Singto sighed and wished he would never come across that man again. For Krist Perawat was dangerous... for him. And he loathed Krist with his everything... even though he knew the younger one was not at fault. Heck!! That goofy guy has no idea at all. And Singto hopes it stays that way. It would be better if everyone forgets about him, especially his ex co-actor Krist Perawat.

But fate was cruel. Just as he took a step, he was faced with the very man standing before, like a high-rise building. He was hoping to never see again. Krist looked even taller than when a year ago Singto saw him, just in his highneck black top with long over coat and black slacks, he looked as if he came out straight from a fashion magazine, his emmaculate clothing brought perfection to his already perfect self. His high straight nose bridge and sharp cheekbones looked even sharper. It seemed like time has been very kind to this man who must have worked out a lot, too, this past year.

Krist was even more successful, he heared a lot from the prison lady guards who squealed over him watching him on the phone, at the break time, also the times he comes to visit singto, many people (from the prison) crowded the front area trying to meet him. He was on tv, newspapers, magazines and everywhere, no matter how much singto tried to forget about him, he keeps hearing about him all the damn time.

This drawled some form of huge insecurity in him as well. Their world's seemed to be wide apart now. Singto felt really small before him... like the peck of dust from earlier, there is jealousy, there is anger, resentment and something else. But there was also a sense of security in the younger man's presence. Singto feels protected. He feels like his guardian came to receive him, and that made him more furious. He doesn't want to feel this way ever. He will walk away from it or it will hurt like a bitch later.

"P'Sing." Krist took a step closer to hug him, but Singto stepped back. Turning around, he started walking hastily in the opposite direction only to have his arm softly grabbed by a big palm.

"Damn it!! Stop avoiding me, P'Sing!" Krist said from the back when Singto jerks his arm free.

"GO!!!" Singto shouts.

"But p' look at the weather... at this time, you will not get a single ride here... At least let me send you to your place." Krist said softly, trying his best to convince the older man to come with him. Dust particles were irritating his eyes, and he started to cover his eyes while Singto looked totally unfazed in the strong winds.

Singto stood there for a while waiting for any vehicle to pass by, but when the swirling winds increased its pace and promised heavy rain, he reluctantly turned towards Krist's black beast and walked lazily. Krist smiled in relief when Singto yanked his car door and got inside at the back. Krist swiftly slides into the driver's seat and asks the elder, "Where to?" as if he was his personal chauffeur.

"Chiang Mai. Beach and Pub area." The older man replies.

"Your countryside house...where you wanted to take Prim? Don't you want to visit Dad and others, p'Sing?" Krist asks hesitantly.

"Just drop me off there and then pretend we never met before. If you can't, then i will get off now‐"

Krist didn't wait for him to finish as he started the car looking outside.