Chapter 115 - I, I was wrong, Honey
Translator: Yonnee
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As I couldn't hear him properly because he continued to cover his face with his palms, my anger surged once more even when it had already abated earlier. I grabbed his hands with both of mine and pulled them off.
"If you have something to say, then take these off fi..."
Yet I could not finish the sentence. His face, which had been hidden behind his hands, was soaked with moisture as though he had been caught in the rain. But of course, it was not from the rain.
Transparent tears were pouring down endlessly from his blue eyes. Droplets fell-one, two-upon his clothes and mine.
"I'm so, rry... I, I was wrong, Honey..."
"......"
Neither in the past nor in the present... I had never seen him cry. He was a man who never complained about anything, let alone cried, no matter how brutal a situation he'd be thrown into.
"W-What must I do to, to get you back..."
So, I was rendered utterly speechless. The Ciel I knew was a cold, unfeeling, arrogant man.
And yet...
"I will atone for the rest of my life. If you want me to crawl, I will crawl for you. If you want me to bark, I will for you..."
He took my wrists in his hands as he continued to sob and stutter through his words. His strong grip was extremely warm. He raised one hand of mine and placed it upon his cheek.
And, as though it was his deepest confession, he said,
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry for not saying I love you when I do love you... I'm so, so sorry for leaving you all alone under the pretext of protecting you... You sacrificed your life to save me, yet I still died... I'm so sorry..."
As this series of words trickled out of his lips, his body gradually lost strength. He slumped down to the floor, and when he looked up at me, more and more tears fell from his eyes.
"Please..."
With a mournful, desperate expression, he dropped his head and drew me into his embrace. With my face against his chest, I felt the strong beats of his heart.
Thump, thump, thump.
As the vibrations of his pulse sent waves through me, he continued.
"Please forgive me. Don't erase me from your life, Honey..."
His words made my heart drop to the ground. He knew me so well. He knew exactly how I had been trying to erase the past from my present. I could not give an answer to his words.
At the same time, I could not directly refuse him, so I made excuses and made my parents decide for me. I deluded myself into thinking that, if my parents did not like him, I too would not like him. And I knew that he was heavily jealous of Morgan, yet pretended not to know.
I thought that he would be the same cold man who I knew from even before we had gotten married.
So, with all my might, I turned a blind eye to his true feelings. With all sorts of excuses...
* * *
Ciel held Irene's small body in his arms, so tightly that you'd think she was his lifeline. He had a very, very strong hunch that if he were to miss this very moment right now, he would never be able to have another chance to be forgiven again.
He embraced Irene's much smaller body and did not let her go. He continued to whisper into her ear, burying the tip of his nose into her hair.
"I was wrong, Honey... Please... Can't you give me one chance? I won't hurt you ever again. I'll do well from now on... Hm? Please..."
He offered his sincerest apologies, yet Irene, in his arms, said nothing. Worried about her lack of reaction, he drew slightly away from her.
When he lowered his head to be on eye level with her, their gazes met. A shudder rose within him when her green eyes faced him directly. It was as if he had stepped into a fresh, verdant forest.
There had always been that strength in her eyes. He managed to endure everything that happened to him in the past because he relied on her strength.
And even now, it was not so different. Her silent gaze gave rise to an unknown courage sleeping inside him. Though he was fearful, one look at her face was enough to overcome that fear.
Though he was full of thoughts that she might push him away, he slowly leaned closer to her. Faced with her gaze, so steadfast as she looked at him, like that, he took her lips upon his.
They touched only ever so slightly, yet he soon felt a deep sense of bliss and satisfaction.
"Haa..."
And when a satisfied sigh left through his lips like that, her graceful lips crept open.
"...I still cannot trust you."
Hearing that her words did not carry any firm conviction behind them, Ciel smiled.
Right. Still as ever, you are so sweet.
He recalled how his wife would show such tender kindness, her countenance betraying not a single expression. He was very well aware that there were many other Espers wanted to have her for themselves.
Even though he knew this, he was a selfish man. The thought of letting her go never, ever crossed his mind.
It was the same even now. So, he caught onto the opening in Irene's defenses right now.
"It doesn't matter if you can't trust me now. Until you come to trust me again, I will never falter away from your side."
Thus, knowing that his wife was ever so kind and ever so gracious, he uttered the incantation of a spell that he knew she wouldn't be able to resist.
"I need your guiding, Irene."
As though he was a child, he begged and whined.
"Irene, I need..."
He trailed off and did not specify what it was that he truly needed. With his abilities over the wind, he made Irene float in the air, and he grasped the pale, fine foot that was peeking through her nightgown and nuzzled it with his cheek.
Then, Irene murmured quietly.
"Don't..."
The sight of her cheeks going bright red from embarrassment was enough to drive him crazy with love. As he was in this state, he had an inkling that his madness must be evidently visible in his eyes right now.
