Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 12, Part 2)

288 Unreachable Dreams

Returning to the palace, Ye Yang immediately retreated to his own set of rooms. Even though he had nobody to talk things over with or even just share his worries with, he still had more than enough people trying to get into his good graces and right now, he'd rather not see a single one of them. No, that kind of superficial interest ... it was the last thing he wanted.

As for what he did want ... He thought of that pair of bright blue eyes and hung his head. Admittedly, having several capable and trustworthy advisers wasn't the only thing he was jealous of when it came to the dragon king. No, what he envied even more than that was his ability to go and hug his lover after he encountered troubles.

He would give ... a lot to be able to rest in the arms of a beauty, just gently being held while denouncing all those who were making matters difficult for him and expressing his exhaustion at the mere thought of everything he had to do to make his vision become reality. To be comforted with a few words and encouraged a little so he wouldn't lose his drive ... that definitely was the stuff dreams were made of. And yes, it'd have to remain a dream.

What he wanted the most was what he couldn't have at all. Not to mention that it would be dangerous to try ... it wasn't like An Bai requited his feelings. And, frankly, that little dragon didn't seem like the type to gently cradle a man in his arms and whisper a few sweet nothings into his ear to placate his wounded heart.

Ye Yang's lips twitched as he tried to imagine the scene. He just ... couldn't really see it. Right now, if he had the guts to risk it all and went to see An Bai, he would be lucky if the door wasn't closed in his face. Even if they had been closer, he imagined that An Bai's reaction would be to calmly analyze the pros and cons for him before getting back to his own work. He just ... didn't seem like the sweet type.

Ye Yang allowed himself to fantasize for a moment longer before he shook his head and pushed the thought aside. What he wanted, he couldn't have. That was just a fact. Imagining a little when he was down to gain some motivation was alright but he couldn't get lost in this. He had to focus on the actual task at hand instead of daydreaming.

Tomorrow was the final day of the competition, the grand finale of the first act of his plan and the gateway to all that was to follow. Depending on the reaction he got tomorrow, he could gauge how successful his future decisions would be and if he had to adjust anything. He couldn't take that lightly. Every word and every action had to be in place.

He got to his feet and walked over to the table instead, sitting down behind it and taking out a scroll of paper. He had thought about what to say before but he should make sure that everything fit together. Deviating slightly based on everyone's reactions was to be expected but he should have the things he couldn't leave out set in stone.

As to what that was ... it should naturally be those sentences that touched upon the war with the dragons, the illustrious past everyone loved to recall, and the bright future they'd like to imagine. In short: He ought to remind them of who they had once been and paint them a picture of who they could be again in the future, drawing a bridge between the two and illuminating the path from where they currently were to the latter.

After noting down a few phrases he might want to say, Ye Yang took a moment to ponder alternatives, writing those down as well. Some people might be naturals when it came to making speeches but he definitely wasn't in that category. He needed this to be thought out well, with as many options as he could find so that reacting to any changes would be easier.

Ye Yang gave himself an hour before he was satisfied with what he had. Anything more and it wouldn't add much benefit but this was just enough as a basis for his speech tomorrow. He cleaned up the brush and then read through everything he had written down, committing the words to memory. When he had finished, he closed his eyes, quietly mumbled to himself, and checked whether he had actually remembered everything. When he was satisfied, he picked up the scroll, lit up the brazier at the side of the room, and threw it into the flames.

Maybe he was paranoid but he didn't think it wise to leave traces of anything he did behind. No, it was better to get rid of everything he didn't absolutely need to keep and if it had to be kept, it needed to be kept on his body at all times. Only this way could he make sure that it couldn't fall into the wrong hands and be used against him.

Watching as the paper burned to ashes, Ye Yang finally sighed but he couldn't say whether it was out of relief because another small matter had been taken care of or simply exhaustion because there was so much to do and he still had to think about being betrayed every step of the way. His feelings ... they were neither here nor there and the longer this state lasted, the more confused he felt. Unfortunately, there was hardly anything he could do about it.

He closed his eyes for a moment, extinguished the brazier, and finally went to deal with the few matters that needed his attention outside of the competition before turning in for the night early. In a way, he should count himself lucky that the demon realm had fewer matters to deal with than the dragon realm. At the very least, that meant only one big thing to worry about. Otherwise, who knew if he could do it?