Her last words to her love

A\N: This is my slight sequel to His last words to his love. This is Alicia's letter to Will 6 months after his death in order to help her grieve. I don't know how long or short this will be but I hope you enjoy this, Angels.

TGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGW

Will,

It's been 6 months since you were killed and I expect to be woken up in the middle of the night by you calling, but you haven't called me, you haven't called me in 6 months.

I'm drinking because it's the only thing that stops the memories of us from overtaking my mind whenever I'm alone. I'm not ready to face all our memories yet because if I get sucked in, there's no way to tell if I can get back out again, not yet at least.

That's why I'm sitting here just as the sun is about to rise on the city, introducing a new  day, introducing a new day spent without you, the love of my life. I'm writing what I've wanted to say for years. I don't know what I'm going to do with this letter once I've written it: no one else will know about this and I know it's impossible for you to read it.

I've left Peter and filed for divorce. It's what I should have done the second his corruption and affairs came to light, but I didn't because the kids already had so much to handle: a divorce would have been too much for them on top of everything else. I filed for divorce a week after your... funeral when he told me to stop moping around and that I 'had lost a friend.' I told him, that I was grieving the loss of not just a friend, but the man who I had known for 20 years, the man who had always been by my side, the man who took me in, the man who pushed me to do better at life, the man who always had a smile on his face for me, even if when we were fighting, the man who called me at 2 am when he knew I'd still be awake just to talk to me about anything so I didn't feel alone all the time, the man who brought me dinner the nights I was staying late to work so I wouldn't skip dinner, the man who made me happy again after my husband had broken the law and my heart and put me and our children through more than one hell. Told him I was grieving the man who spent $7800 of his own money just so we could have an hour together which turned into the best seven months I've ever had with him since we left Georgetown. I told Peter that I was grieving the man I love, the man I love more than Peter himself: 

You!

Will, I've always loved you, more than I ever loved Peter, I knew I made a mistake in marrying Peter, I know that. But I made a mistake in not divorcing him as soon as his affairs came out, if I had, I would've saved myself a lot of pain and suffering but I stayed loyal to him for Zach and Grace.

I wish I had hit pause on our relationship once Grace was taken but I didn't because I didn't want you to wait for me even though you had waited 17 years for me already and I didn't want you waiting another 17 years for me.

The reason I didn't say I loved you was because I was scared to lose you if I had said that I loved you. I know that's no excuse for how I treated you after I left with Cary to start our own firm, but the words you said to me the day you found out broke me. You said I was poisonous. You also scared me when you swiped my desk and looked at me with that look on your face even though I knew you'd never hurt me, at least not intentionally, you never intentionally hurt me in the 20 years we knew each other.

You and the rest of the firm took me in, got me back on my feet, gave me purpose other than being a good housewife and mother, to give me a reason to keep fighting for people who didn't anyone to fight for them, the firm, and you especially, gave me a reason to get up every day and leave the apartment instead of staying in bed all day, avoiding everyone. And I'll always be grateful to the firm, but I'm  especially grateful for you, Will, because you hired me and gave me a second family to lean on when my other family was falling apart as cracks appeared underneath my feet, you made me the happiest I'd ever been. You made me fall in love again, and it wasn't with my husband, it was with you. 

I was afraid, terrified really, that I'd lose you too if I told you how I really loved you because I had already lost too much and I couldn't lose you too. You wrote me a letter a couple of weeks before your... death and I got it three months ago and in it you said you'd always love me, until the Earth stopped spinning because I deserve to be loved unconditionally. And I promise you this now: I will always love you even after the Earth stops spinning because you deserve to be loved by me the way you loved me for over 20 years.

I'll love you forever, Will Gardner.

Alicia Cavanaugh

She sets her pen down beside her long forgotten wine glass, tears dripping from her chin and landing on the letter, the letter no one but her will ever know about, the letter no one will ever read. She gets up and walks to where her lighter is, lighting the letter on fire, watching as the orange flames lick up the paper, devouring the words she's just written. She throws the letter into her empty trash can, watching as the letter curls into nothing but a blackened piece of paper, eventually the flame burns out, leaving behind a piece of paper with scorched words.

She drains the rest of the wine in her glass and looks out of the window at the nighttime view. She doesn't regret the decision to write the letter but does regret not writing it years ago and sending it to Will.

She'll love Will Gardner even after the Earth stops spinning.

TGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGWTGW

A\N: As I said above, this is a slight sequel to His last words to his love and I hope you enjoy this, Angels.