I Plead, Your Majesty, For Forgiveness

Chapter 19

Tor's eyes focused solely on [Name]'s face as the heat of their breath exposed their rapid breathing. The mist covers their eyes for moments as the carbon dioxide rises to the atmosphere of Teyvat. He stayed silent. He was aware of the mental stability he might've fractured. If he was in their shoes, so naive and trusting, he'd be the same: perhaps worse. Had they never been told they could be justifiably angry? "[Name]," he tested with a delicate tone, watching their eyes snap to his before dropping to the floor. "[Name], you deserve to..." He trailed off as their fidgeting caught his eye.

Their cheek caught between their teeth, sucking it in slightly to gnaw on the tissue, as their fingers rolled the skin of each other anxiously. Perhaps those fingers had been covered with jewellery or some kind? But either way, their hands shook tremendously but not from the cold. "I..." They choked out, "I deserve what...?"

"... to fix wrongs, but ignoring them completely isn't fixing anything. I... Do you not see where I'm coming from? You're acting as though you, yourself, are just... a fiction." He shrugged ever so slightly as he struggled with his words, "I recall you referring to yourself as a number of the friendship group from your teen years. Have you held that expectation of yourself ever since?"

Have I?

"Do you see everyone as just a 'number' to fill the population? Or just yourself?"

"Tor..."

"That's not an answer, [Name]." His head shook, replicating the disappointment they were so used to in whatever past life or lives they had. "Do you feel like you amount to anything?"

They took another step back, "you— I...?" Their breathing had slowed, flowing with the rhythm of their heart, but was still quite frantic from the sudden questions of their self-worth. All that filled the air was their breathing. The prototype had no need to, so it was just [Name]'s influence on Teyvat as the skies clouded to grasp the emotions and replicate them to the world. They barely caught Tor walking a step closer to them, but did nothing. I don't... do I see them as just characters? I held such strong feelings when I knew they were just code and pixels, but now? What am I doing?

The air continued to embrace the silence, cooling the mind as the Creator's brain fried and stirred with troubling realisations. But it soon stopped as they recalled something.

"You said about nobody being at my beck and call, or—or that they just leave," He quirked an eyebrow in response. Their thought process was intriguing to him. "But that's not true." His shoulders faulted in despair at their utterance, "sure, they're not here now but..." They eventually lifted their gaze to him, "Venti. He stayed with me the full day, he slept on the floor, and he's trying to make amends. Plus he said he was gonna fix what he did during that state and—"

"That's not what I meant."

"Huh?" Their eyebrows furrowed as frustration boiled their soul, "what else could it have meant?"

"Anyone can say those things. It doesn't matter how many times someone says something. If they don't do it, then they're just a liar. What if this 'Venti' is playing with you? You can't expect anyone to stick to their words until they actually do it. This should be common knowledge."

He watched as they faltered, closing their eyes as they let out a defeated sigh. Common knowledge that, common sense this. I don't have that. They kept their eyes closed as they felt their throat constrict, clenching the sides of the oesophagus as their eyes burned. Cut it out. Cut it out. Cut it out. You're fine. You're okay. Everything's fine. You don't need to be such a baby all the time.

Their eyes snapped open as their body suffocated, crawling with goosebumps and hairs that stood up tall. Tor wasn't warm. The feeling of Dragonspine clung to his skin even though he could warm. The clothes he wore contradicted theirs, digging the small trinkets into the small wounds they held as their mind hazed over. God, they wanted to crawl out of their skin and start anew like a snake shedding its skin. They tensed up completely, lifting their arms but not to reciprocate what they assumed was a hug.

Their arms separated, anxiously and awkwardly pushing Tor's from their body and back to the Dragonspine air as their chest rose and fell frantically. They took another couple of steps back, letting the gold of the Ley Line swallow their thighs and calves, as they stared at him with silent pleas and regrets.

His arms fell to his sides: dejected. Was he not good enough anymore? "I..." His lips fell back into place, firmly pressed together as he accepted the rejection. His chest tightened however.

[Name]'s jaw clenched, grinding their teeth together as their tongue sat at the front of their mouth: pressing against the closed teeth as they struggled with saying anything or making a sound. Apologise. Just say something. You're upsetting him. Say something. Anything. Please. Don't let me lose him too.

The silence that was once so welcomed and enjoyed fell dull; suffocating even. The isolation crept up on both of them. Well, until Tor couldn't take it anymore. He didn't utter a word, silently slinking back into the white of Dragonspine as they watched pathetically. They couldn't make a sound, not even a whine or a sharp breath. So, they watched his disheartened form.

No, no, no, no, no. You're doing it too. Tor. Please. The tears they fought back arose once more, covering their cheeks with a glistened sense of sorrow as their nose produced more mucus than they needed. With an ugly sniffle, [Name] dropped down to let the Ley Line envelop them completely. Stop leaving me. I can't help being like this. Just one more chance. One more chance, please.