𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐯𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬 || JJK x READER

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚗𝚎

Y/n' pov
I felt so overwhelmed.
All I could do was sigh in front of that canvas, but not one of those sighs that throws out everything you have inside.
A sigh choked, heartbroken, full of ghosts and horror, everything I hide from others.

I always managed to do it, no one ever knew how much I was suffering: no matter how difficult it was, people were convinced I was just a spoilt snob with a stench under my nose.

They think daddy keeps the flat I live in. They envy me because I already live alone.
How would they know?!
The reality is quite different.

The truth is that I have not lived all this time.
I have always felt at fault in front of others, at fault for experience, for skills, for tenacity and spontaneity.

I saw everyone emerge in life, smiling, shouting, snickering, simply living.
While I was compulsorily confined to my house to study, the maid was under orders to make sure I didn't get my ass out of the chair.

For goodness sake, rich parents, with a prestigious career behind them, but with the emotional sense of an ant.

I, their only child, had always been designed as an extension of themselves, with the sole intention of carrying out what they had planned for me from the day of my conception.

I had to live in function of them.

One day things simply changed or maybe simply my heart broke into a thousand sharp pieces like glass thrown through a wall.

My heart ached, my teeth were gritted, my hands clenched into a fist and my eyes ice cold as they tried to hold back all the tears that threatened to spill out.

It was my graduation day.
Parents and children rejoiced around me while my parents scolded me because I had failed to give a valedictory speech worthy of note.

I had the merit of being the best in school and they had chosen me for that important moment, they thought I could set an example, but I was losing a piece of me, every second that passed.

How could I be an example to kids who expected me to have a clear idea of what my future would be?

They would have wanted hope, long-lost emotion.

They thought I could give them support, which I never received.

They all had high, high expectations of me. They all took it for granted that I would make it.

But i wouldn't.

So that very night I ran away.
I ran away from my parents and their impositions for me to attend medical school.
With all the strength my legs could muster, I disappeared from that world that terrified me.
I began to seek escape from that life that did not belong to me.

I ruffled some clothes, some personal effects, some courage, a lot of money from the safe, and my diary in which my soul had always wandered in pain.

The night before my graduation I hadn't slept a wink.
The panic attacks wouldn't stop surfacing, cutting into my heart.
My eyes was dry and red and my shaggy hair was the result of what my panicked hands had done.

I was a mess. Everything around me was.

And yet perfection had been imprinted in my skin.
It had been instilled in me so thoroughly that I didn't know what it meant to deviate, to make a small stop at something unharmonious.

I knew for sure what balance, what harmony was.
From the outside that's all I expressed.
But inside? What was inside me?
Was something there?

With nothing but the complete knowledge that I wanted to run away from my life, I decided to embrace the only part of my heart that I protected, the only reason to run away, to live.