The Rampage MC #4: Max and Briony

Chapter 28 (Briony): Guilt Gives Up

Copyright © 2024 by GroveltoHEA

"Levi, could I talk with you, please?" I asked the giant man. I'd stopped by the club house at a time I knew he was usually there based on when I'd lived on the compound for all those months.

"You OK?" he asked, smoothing down his beard.

"I'm fine," I assured him. "I just...I don't even know how to ask this."

"Just ask," he said.

"What do scars made by chains look like?"

His body stiffened. "Tell me why you're asking, and why you're asking me." 

This wasn't the normally sweet Levi I was used to, the man who followed his wife around like a giant St. Bernard, his eyes always on her. This was the club enforcer, road name Chain, and he was intimidating.

I had to put this in such a way that it didn't sound like Max was telling me club business.

"I...well, Max wouldn't take his shirt off. Said he had scars. He didn't have scars...before. And I demanded to know how he got them, and he would only say he'd been chained. So I was thinking about it and I figured, based on when Wendie said she saw him bleeding through his shirt, that it happened because of me. And since I know you're an enforcer and your road name is Chain...well, it made sense to ask you. So here I am, asking."

 If anything, his eyes got colder. "Ask Max if you want to see. The rest is club business, which means it's none of yours."

"How can you say that?"

His eyes hardened. "You're stepping into club business, Bri. You're nothing to the club except someone we used to watch over."

That stung, but he wasn't done with me. 

"You were with us long enough to know we live by our own laws. They're put into place to make sure brothers know if they fuck us over, there will be consequences. Shotgun fucked us over. There were consequences. End of story. You can't handle that, you shouldn't be here. You can't accept that, you got no business being with a brother."

"Did I deserve to be beaten almost to death by Gene?" I asked him, trying a different tack.

"No, Briony. No woman deserves what that fucker did to you."

"But you can justify chaining someone?"

"If the brother's broken one of our rules, damn straight we can." 

"You seem so sweet, but you really aren't, are you?" I asked, peering at him.

"Depends. You see me around Genevieve -- my wife, my ol' lady -- and I'm one way when I'm with her. I'm completely different when I'm handling club business. We all are, and the women we're with understand that club business has to be handled by a different side of us that we don't and won't bring home."

I knew they had different sides. Max, who was all about control, had beaten a man to death with his bare hands.

"Why're you so worried about this that you came here to talk to me about it? Once you finally cut Shotgun loose, you'll be away from club life forever."

"I haven't decided--"

This man was almost glaring at me now. I was definitely in the presence of Chain.

"Maybe you need to. Far as I'm concerned, you're stringing my brother along. This isn't one of those things you can or should drag out because that just hurts both of you. You got two roads open to you. You either forgive him for fucking you over or you don't. Nothing in between. You either see your way to forgiveness and move on together or you cut him loose in a permanent way he can't argue with so maybe he can move on with his life." 

"It's not that easy," I snapped at him. "He ran out on me to go to another woman and left me open to Gene's attack."

"And? That ain't new information, Briony. Those have been the facts for almost a year and a half, so not sure why you're waiting to decide because drawing it out isn't going to change those facts. You need to figure shit out with Shotgun. Yes or no. You in or you out? I know what he's going through to some extent. I fucked over Genny in a way I didn't think I could come back from. But I showed up, showed her I was serious in a way she couldn't miss and we worked shit out."

"What you did wasn't as bad, though. You didn't put her second --"

"The fuck I didn't!" he sneered. "I put her after the club, put off important shit because Beard asked me to. I kissed her fucking stepsister and Genny saw, so she ran away and canceled our wedding. The hole I was in was so deep, I didn't think I'd ever get out. I had to fight to get her to believe I'd never do that to her again, that she'd always come first with me, even before the club."

"How do I know he won't do it again? How do I know I'll always be first for him?"

"You keep thinking with your head, Briony. That's going to tell you all sorts of shit, number one being those two questions you just popped off with. And if your head is what you're going to listen to, then there's no hope. Cut my brother loose and let him go. But maybe try listening to your heart. What does that tell you about him? Does it tell you he's still the same man that did that to you or has he shown you he's figured out where he fucked up and he's now a man that would never do that to you again? That he'll stick with you through anything, that he's going to be showing up today, tomorrow and always. Because unless you magically can repeat the same exact circumstances and he gets a do-over, he'll never be able to prove it."

"That's easy to say, listen to your heart, but it's a lot harder to do."

"That's where the leap of faith comes in. What's he been doing since your attack? How's he been acting? Is he around? Is he running off to Wendie? Or has his focus been you?"

"It could also be guilt," I reminded Levi while avoiding all of his questions. Chain.

"Guilt can make you want to be there to help out but that's as far as it goes. Help. But arranging things your woman wants to do? Doing special shit for her? Running yourself ragged trying to prove yourself to a woman so she'll see you differently, maybe find it in herself to forgive you? That's love, not guilt. Guilt is the worst reason in the world to try to be with a woman. But the big, noticeable difference is guilt gives up but love gives us the strength to keep trying. We ain't perfect, Bri. No one is, male or female. Everyone fucks up. The question is if you just shrug it off after you've fucked up or if you come back swinging because you want to fix things more than you've ever wanted anything."

So, Genny had the reputation as the idiot whisperer for the MC, but Levi was no slouch with the advice, either, apparently.

"I'm not good at relationship shit like my girl is, so you should stop by and talk to her. Ask her questions because you sound a lot like Genny did when I was trying to straighten out my shit with her."

"Thanks, Levi."

For a moment, he looked at me. "And to answer your question, they're ugly as fuck. Raised, bumpy, ragged, brutal-looking. They look like they hurt and that's because they did."

Copyright © 2024 by GroveltoHEA