Russia X Reader-ONESHOTS

Russia x Depressed!Reader - I will be your medication

Requested by: KylaNaki

Trigger Warning: Depressional thoughts, suicidal thoughts, self-harm (read at your own discretion)

"These stupid pills don't work for shit!" I screamed, throwing the pill bottle at the wall. The cap of the bottle came off, as the pills inside the pill bottle scattered around the floor. I huffed, trying to control my breathing as I then dropped to the ground, sitting on the floor as tears started to well up in my eyes. I heard loud footsteps coming from the hallway, and the door opening as I didn't even want to look at who it was.

"podsolnechnik (sunflower), what's wrong? Come here..." Ivan softly spoke, sitting down with me and opening his arms towards me. I peeked at him, and slowly shuffled my way into his arms, letting the tears fall down my face, as I silently cried.

"Tell me, what's wrong?" Ivan asked again, as I shook my head and shrugged. I didn't know what was wrong. I just felt useless. I felt like nothing.

"I-I don't know what's wrong. These stupid depression pills aren't working. I can't enjoy the things I love doing anymore. I can't eat the things I love. I just hate everything...Ivan I don't know what to do...should I just kill myself?" I muttered to Ivan. Ivan suddenly tightened his hug and held me as close as he can. It didn't hurt at all even though he was hugging me hard and felt rather nice.

"Don't ever say that podsolnechnik (sunflower). Do you know how that would make me feel if you were to just be gone like that? I don't think I could live with myself..." Ivan stammered, as I sighed and slowly relaxed myself into Ivan's body. He was warm, and a gentle person. He cared for me so much, and here I was, being depressed. I hated the way I was. The way I am. I just wanted to be happy again. I have no idea how I became like this, but suddenly I just felt like ending it all.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to upset you Ivan...it's just that...I just feel like I'm nothing. I am not worth anything or any love...this stupid depression of mine just won't go away and I don't know what to do...sometimes I think that if I wasn't here, I don't have to feel this way and can finally have peace..." I stated, and Ivan shook his head now, placing his forehead against mine. He looked right into my eyes with his own violet ones. I could feel his warm breath against my face, as I couldn't help but tear up a bit again.

"I'm not upset at all, I am just worried for you...listen to me podsolnechnik (sunflower), you are the most amazing person I've ever met. Your smile alone can brighten up the world and my world. The way you laugh makes me feel like I'm on cloud nine. You're wonderful in every way possible. You just don't know it because you always bring yourself down. But don't worry, I am here. I am here to help you through this no matter what happens. So, stay by my side, and don't go anywhere where I can't reach you...please..." Ivan murmured, comforting me. His hand softly stroked my hair, as he rocked me gently in his arms.

I closed my eyes and could feel myself started to fall asleep. His warm presence and the atmosphere he put around me was so comforting, that it made me forget why I was even sad or upset at all. I slowly drifted off into a slumber, but Ivan never moved a muscle. He never left my side, as he placed me onto the bed and stayed with me.

I awoke a couple hours later, feeling Ivan cuddling me as I snuggled into his warm embrace. He knew how to make me feel better no matter what I was going through, and he was always there for me.

"Did you have a good nap podsolnechnik (sunflower)?" Ivan asked me as I nodded slowly, not wanting to leave this warmth that surrounded me. Ivan chuckled softly in my ear, holding me tightly as he kissed my forehead softly with his warm lips.

"I know you must be feeling comfortable, but how about something to eat? Even if it's just a little. It'll help you get the energy you need. I will be right here with you. Just a small snack is fine, or how about your favorite comfort food? How does that sound?" Ivan suggested to me. I thought about it for a bit, and knew he was right. I needed to get something in my system, as I thought about my favorite comfort food.